Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
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Comments (242)
o0ginger0o 7
Maybe that last chick in 1985 was his wife and it just took him a while to find you.
ElNegroHombre 0
You shoulda punched that ***** in the throat. I'd knock him out.
triplethreat13 0
everyone against gays should go curl up and die. now. it's not like they can help it. gays make the best friends for girls. my best friend is gay and he's really awesome, better than all of you. but gays really can't always control it. some of them get lucky and end up bi, but not all of them do, and there's nothing wrong with that. OP, good for you. you're not afraid to be yourself. and FYL by the way.
njy6196 0
WTF
DameGreyWulf 1
Wow man Sucks ass... This is like the reverse of those FMLs about the stupid bimbos slapping random dudes they mistook for their boyfriends just because they spoke to some other girl.
CaptainSarcasm 0
Bruce Springsteen, Madonna Way before Nirvana There was U2 and Blondie And music still on MTV Her two kids in high school They tell her that she's uncool Cuz she's still preoccupied With 19, 19, 1985
jSOPURE 3
Ahh, 1985. Twas a good year. :)
retrosaxaphone 0
YOU GO NUMBER 86!!!!! :D
plexico 4
You should have violently anally raped the guy and that might prove to him that you are gay. He was probably sufficiently drunk that he would not come up with the counterpoint that you could be bisexual. Drunk and anally raped.
9az00 0
maybe gay marrage is legal in your state and the guy was taking it too literally... ******* samantics! repeal prop 8...equal rights for all!!