Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
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Comments (242)
curryndricegirll 0
FYL. just hang out at a gay bar, and you'll never have that problem again
aliabbiss 0
**** u for bein gay
trekkie44 0
**** you for being a dumbass
echarperouge 0
Isn't there a bridge somewhere that you're supposed to be gaurding?
Eltsc 0
You can stand up for what you believe in and still be a dumbass.
alexman6364 0
buy a gun and get a carry permit.
BLiNdZoRz 3
That's very similar to the one about that big guy telling some guy to stop following his girlfriend home from school but they were neighbours. FYL if this happened, GFY (go **** yourself) if you made it up.
FreakOnaLeash 0
You should die for being a fag.
URANIDIOTTTTT 0
"You should die for being a fag." you should die for saying that.
OhgodNeinna 1
I'm surprised you managed to find the comment button with a mind like your's. As for the story, you'll probably never see him again (as people have stated) so it isn't an FML, but you did nothing to deserve it. A "Geez, that sucks." button would be useful on things like these.
nuke0000 0
you should die for being straight. it works both ways, bitch.
RAMBabyyy 0
Aliabbiss and Screwtaylor, take your ignorance elsewhere. #19, there is more than one kind of bar. Hooka bar, oxygen bar, etc. But yeah, I get what you're saying, since it was pretty apparent what kind of bar OP was at. But yeah, not too big of a deal, OP. These things happen. At least he didn't get more aggressive then that.
RAMBabyyy 0
FreakOnaLeash and Colonel_crunk, I have just added you to the chain of ignorance. Congrats. Keep 'em coming, ladies and gents!
djb23 0
everyone knows gay guys are just either too shy or ugly to get with girls so they have sex with each other... come on.. EDIT: did I make the chain?
echarperouge 0
Can't you try a little harder? Come on, where are your made up religious convictions? Or a sob story about being diddled by an uncle? FYL for being too incompitent even for internet trolling.
qetzacoatl122112 0
Obviously. If you aren't smart enough to see that I'm not very surprised you are such an ignorant asshole
djb23 0
god damn, all of you need to lighten up. it was a joke. pretending to be outraged at FML comments isn't gonna get those sticks out of your asses any sooner.
Pandasaur 0
Lightening up doesn't make bad jokes funny. Sorry.
sublime93 0
Lmfao #29
kayLatta 0
ydi for being gay.