Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
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Top comments
Anarchy_fml 0
You should have seen it coming...never develop habits like that. This will probably teach you not to...
allmidnighteyes 11
You just brought a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced.
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Comments (85)
ActionManly 11
YDI for publicly humiliating your dog.
Philosophic 0
I don't know... that's definitely one wag to introduce yourself to new people...
woahitsashlynn 0
Ewwww! Hahahahaha
andyn 0
Billy Idol RULEZ.
hanfan79 0
Question: If you were blowing INTO the bag, how did the poop end up in your mouth and on your face? Did you suck it in before trying to blow the bag up? I'm confused....=/
Poke_my_mon 0
What the hell kind of habit is that to have? "I absent-mindedly stuck a bag of shit into my face. Pity me!"
Xader 0
Actually it was a woman blowing dog poop in HER face. Which IMHO, doubles the hilarity.
Ranoona 0
you have no one to blame but you.
plexico 4
Maybe I know a little more physics than the next guy, but how does this happen? Did she hold the bag over her head and blow? Was she on the Space Shuttle? Except for a certain colloquialism, "blow" means to send an air stream out of your mouth. Unless you are a Human Leaf Blower and can create some crazy ricochets, you would generally cause the shit to go away from you. The only way I can see an air flow causing the shit to go in one's face is if they suck. Suck hard.
jw90 18
lmfao! Talk about getting shitfaced! Pay attention next time.
wienerwagon 0
Nothing wrong with some good jenkem.
MrVulgaris 0
No... there is actually something VERY wrong with that... *gag*
dogssrule 0
idiot. ydi