Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
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Top comments
Anarchy_fml 0
You should have seen it coming...never develop habits like that. This will probably teach you not to...
allmidnighteyes 11
You just brought a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced.
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Comments (85)
yoursodumb 0
HAHAHAHA YOUR SUCH AND IDIOT , PLUS WHY DO PEOPLE PICK UP THERE DOG SHIT I LET MINE SHIT WHEREVER AND I DONT PICK IT UP
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
"your such and idiot" My such what? And my idiot? DAMMIT MAN, YOU'RE CONFUSING ME AND MY IDIOT!
Witchcraft_fml 5
He might have been beating himself over the head with his keyboard. It would explain his stupidity and why his caps lock is on.
leisl14 0
i like how your user name is spelled wrong. you should change it to "i'msodumb"
Witchcraft_fml 5
How did it taste?
renae78 0
This reeks of fakeness. First, who doesn't tie the bag of poo shut after it has contents in it? Second, you'd really have to be sucking in on that thing to get it all over your face an in your mouth..not to mention have no sense of smell.
BSTUB 0
This is so fake. If you breathed in and out of the bag the crap wouldnt have splattered in youre face
danielleFML 0
fake and stupid
aaaaa12345_fml 0
ydi for picking up shit and carrying it around in a bag.
dave202 0
HA HA you can't fool me I know what you were doing. You were trying to get high from sniffing shit weren't you?
blue_eyed 0
That was retarded...
beethoven_fml 0
LMAO EEEWWWWWW GROSSSSS
toink 0
Coprophagous OP...