Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
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Top comments
Anarchy_fml 0
You should have seen it coming...never develop habits like that. This will probably teach you not to...
allmidnighteyes 11
You just brought a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced.
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Comments (85)
mmmmallory 0
ahhhhhh gross not what I want to read first thing in the morning
eliz3 0
Surely this has to be fake because nobody is stupid enough to mistake an empty bag with one weighted down by dog shit.
dakrock13 0
you're DUMB.
pheww 0
omgg luckkyy that sounds delicous rightt now. ahh I needd someee!
mplsmech 0
Who doesn't tie the poop bag shut after you use it? Are you going to some how re-use it in the future? GROSS and FAKE.
maddog_fml 0
Uuuuhhh.....??? Just WOW.
catatonicsleep 17
Did you blow into it and it burst?
Nyuu_fml 12
How did you not notice the mind-blowing smell of poo? o.o
Einstein714 0
it must of been really liquid poopies and not solid log to splash up to your potty mouth
kbolt88 0
I would love to know why you absent-mindedly put a bag of dog shit up to your face. Anyone with any instincts would hold that shit far far away. YOU GOT SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FACE! and ydi.