Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years sent me a text message saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML
Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Murderer! :)
Raegron 4
...or give it one last try, see how it works out? :) (we don't know anything else than what you've written, so this may be a very bad idea, I don't know :D).
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Comments (127)
Intoxicunt 6
Murderer! :)
the_walrus 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
tighten your belt, marry the gash and develop a drink issue to deal with it. life isn't nice and kushty, you have got yourself stuck in this mess and now can't get out so live with it. just find a ho or sumin if you get bored as the marriage/drink slowly kills you.
plexico 4
Are you my life coach? I've been doing this for a long time. The drinking part didn't work -- too much puking. Can you tell me where to find a "sumin," Coach?
inconvienentgurl 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
it doesnt mean that she will literally kill herself >.> wow u ppl r stupid if u believe that it just means she really doesnt want to be w/ out that much that it would kill her "inside/her heart" if u werent w/ her... then again maybe she's crazy n would kill herself but u need to be honest n break up w/ her ne way if thats how u feel...dont keep leading her on...it will only "kill" her worse
XOfiestypixie 0
I really doubt people actually think she would kill herself if she didn't have him. And I don't think you should be questioning others' intelligence when you don't spell things correctly yourself.
Intoxicunt 6
inconvienentgurl: Your spelling sucks. It's cool though. Allow me to educate you! This link will help you many times throughout your life. http://www.dictionary.net/joke
fritzmims 0
#17 you're a HUGE fag
abcnonamecba 0
dude she was on a 4killstreak don't make her kill herself :0
deXter11_fml 0
#57 Thanks for that. You really cleared the air with that one.
HLLAND 0
would u die to be with her?```lol
Raegron 4
...or give it one last try, see how it works out? :) (we don't know anything else than what you've written, so this may be a very bad idea, I don't know :D).
hkguy 0
Nah - he's already decided - a care package ain't going to make him interested in her for the long term. Suck it up - there's never a "good" time to break up - and every day you stay together prolongs the agony and puts off the time that she will find someone who really does love her. Break it off. Gentlemanly thing is to give back the care package though ...
BeeSkwaird 0
Other than abusive situations, the whole idea of a unilateral breakup is ludicrous. If you're both adults, talk. Communicate. Agree—either to stay together or to break up.
diet_otaku 0
seriously, if he's been with her for FIVE YEARS, there has to be something there. if he has doubts, they need to talk about it and see if it's something that can be resolved, maybe even seek couples counseling. having been the girl who invested that much time in a relationship only to be dumped for a relatively trivial reason, i absolutely hate hearing about guys who want to ditch a girl after years together. unless there's been a dealbreaker like she cheated, she wants kids and he doesn't, or she's a career criminal (which it's extremely unlikely that something like that would crop up 5 years into the relationship), he needs to be a man and try to work it out.
Tubasaurus 0
It sounds to me like the OP already has worked it out. "Being a man" does not mean staying with somebody unless there is an extreme reason to end the relationship.
BeeSkwaird 0
Finally. An adult in the bunch.
Pulcherrimus 0
She won't agree. He doesn't need her permission to dump her.
NotNegativeNews 0
The long term? It's already been 5 years. He'd better have a really good reason to not try.
Playdate 0
I guess it might be time to test that theory? Seriously though, if you stay with her you might end up hating both of you as a result!
michaelcarell 0
Yay!!!! I hope you're happy together
crzy8mnky 1
Oh shes a keeper!
irockmyworld 0
you know, when a girl has to send a message like that to you, to me it seems like she's "reminding you" of never to leave her. like a dont-you-even-think-of-leaving-me message. i could be wrong and it could just be an emotional moment for her and she decided to be all loving but seriously, "i'd die without you"? who says that anymore in a loving way. im guessing she knows or senses what is coming. and is tryin to stop it.
v1kt4r 13
something tells me shez sharper than you think, sounds like she trying to make sure u arent going anywhere. on a mo serious note, u do realise ' i would die without you" is a figure of speech, unless she added literally, then you're ******
tomakobriefs 11
#8, learn grammar. And spelling. Christ on a pogo-stick.
IndigoFuckYou 9
89-I'm with you.
robotiick 12
Another grammar nazzi it# 89 n dnt be 1 their just jelious bc their to Uptight wit spelling n shi+ like dat
HLLAND 0
maybe she knew u wanna break up with her``
harahune 0
Call her family, or a suicide hot line, or an emergency line, then break up with her after she's being monitored and safe. If she's faking it, everyone will know.
Princessx3Jamie 0
The suicide hot line does nothing but sit there and be awkward -__-
KBurns207 17
And if she's not, then she's dead. Win win situation there Huh?