Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
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Top comments
Anarchy_fml 0
You should have seen it coming...never develop habits like that. This will probably teach you not to...
allmidnighteyes 11
You just brought a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced.
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Comments (85)
Anarchy_fml 0
You should have seen it coming...never develop habits like that. This will probably teach you not to...
HahaYDI 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hey look at me, I'm near the top even though I'm not number 2, cool beans.
inconvienentgurl 0
if u only breathed in it then u wouldnt of had that stuff on ur face...u would of had to breath IT IN to have that all on u n in ur mouth... either u worded this wrong, u dont kno wat ur saying, or its fake. either way YDI 4 any part of that.
Anarchy_fml 0
WHOA! I just realized something, about 7 hours after I posted this...that I was first. I know this will be deleted, I just wanna savor the moment you know? Cuz ive gotten like 12th before, and I got 4th on something else today, but I mean wow, first. If life had GamerScore, this would be a 50G Achievment. [50G - Woke up before 6 and managed to get first reply on an FML post] and I guess it'd be a double because I'd end up getting: [25G - Realizing you probably won't be part of the 58% of Juniors who have had sex] Oh well. “Hope is a desire with an expectation of accomplishment.” These are my accomplishments. The rare and the few things a broken man can hope for, but one day we'll drink to this and laugh. Laugh well, and wholeheartedly.
Anarchy_fml 0
THANK YOU AMERICA!
ilovefatcats 12
C O O L B E A N S!!!
smile232 3
Agreed never have habits like that
peachy36 3
Dogs don't carry hepatitis, good try though lmao.
fatcow282 8
Congrads genious
sretter 0
#1-agreed
JohnnyTheFox 0
Wow I love this website, I can put down other people's miserable lives, and beautiful Russian brides are only a click away on the right!
stephyhull 4
why would you do something like that anyway? :|
2niggaz 0
wow wut
Intoxicunt 6
Favorited. That's just great. I'm thinking YDI, but there's such a strong element of FYL in this, so I feel for you.
leisl14 0
it says he was blowing in the bag then breasthing it in... read the fml... and this was supposed to reply to another comment
dolphinlvr7 24
"In it" not "it in" ...read the FML...
tingting1 0
wtf, how could you not notice the smell?!?! YDI
allmidnighteyes 11
You just brought a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced.
Intoxicunt 6
Win. I don't want to speak too soon, but the comments appear to be doing better.
jchansfan 0
That's disgusting, but really undeniably entirely your fault...
heyyou1203 0
agreed. wtf were u thinking? i could see if you blew in it to open it up as your dog pooped, but if you don't need to use a new bag, why the hell were you breathing in it?!?!
handsoff 0
That's one way to break a habit. Although, I'm trying to figure out how you 'absent-mindedly' lifted the bag back up to your mouth without noticing the added weight, let alone the smell.
hothotheat_ 13
It's like people who bite their nails. Even if they know they were just doing something gross or unsanitary with their hands, they just absent mindedly bite. I speak from experience. /:
Muffin_boo 12
Little dogs— little *****. :3 ha
ohmanz 0
that's disgusting...
Xx_f_us_all 0
#6 ftfw!!! lol I've done that before it's not a good exprience....lol
riplikethat 0
" it's not a good exprience" No shit.
8trickster8 0
"No shit" What a shitty pun.