Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
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Top comments
brookiesawr 11
why would you break up with someone just cause you watch ****? that's ****** stupid.
jackwilliams 9
Sum ****: "oh baby add, add, add oh god you took the sum of those numbers so good noone does it like you"
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Comments (43)
Stazza11 27
Or he was watching ****. And simply told her the truth. It's what we do.
bellydancer82 15
I read this without my glasses on at first and thought it said "sun ****"... You have no idea how confused I was haha.
WoldowJR 25
"I'm not wearing any sunblock..." ;)
juturnaamo 29
Anybody else read "Did I do that?" In Urkel's voice?
rockyhorrorQT 12
I did!
kirstenburke 11
I can't take this seriously because I keep reading "did I do that?" in Steve Urkels voice.
HarrisonChuuu 4
Hey, he still texted back with his free hand. He's a keeper!
djstiv3 15
lol he was watching **** to get horny? wtf? that makes no sense.. you watch bcz you are and need to do something about it
qilinnaamossh 11
He lied!!!
vikky538 29
**** is always a good turn on...
teamnikster 9
1: Why is it wrong for people in a relationship to watch ****? 2: You could have turned it into a funny situation instead of getting offended.
TallMist 32
Seriously. People act as if both people in a relationship can't watch ****, as if they'll always be able to have sex with each other 24/7 if the other person needs to get off. It's not like it's cheating! People that have such harsh feelings about **** in a relationship needs to get over themselves.
HoobidibooFox 11
I think it's not so much that he's watching it but that she thought she'd turned him on but he was confused about why she'd think that.
brittanysue14 10
I agree with your first part. But it is completely absurd to tell somebody to get over themselves. We all feel things differently and are sensitive to different things. There's not one single person in this world that will think the same thoughts as you; therefore you have no right to tell somebody that they are or are not allowed to be upset about something. And anyways, you don't know the underlying reason a girlfriend may not be comfortable with their boyfriend watching ****.
carecow 16
People are so quick to jump the gun around here and suggesting a break up, really now? If you lose your shit because your partner watched **** when you weren't around, you got bigger problems to deal with like your confidence. The guy was having a laugh, I'm sure of it.