Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML
Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hahachun 4
Yes Santa?!! Hahahahaha
ollie179 21
No presents for him.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (166)
kenygompers 17
Nothing says sexy than a fat old white bearded man!
perdix 31
So, are you his ho ho ho?
goldfishgod 20
I'm so glad someone put this.
pdHbq 2
I agree. Perdix, ur awesome ; )
FYLDeep 26
Eh, it seemed to me that he was just reiterating the username. I'm a big fan of perdix, but I feel like he didn't try very hard here.
Joey44 15
Thank you, #41 - it's just a repeat of the OP's username (which was funny btw).
perdix 31
Good catch, FYLDeep, but I didn't see the OPs nickname when I wrote the comment.
RedPillSucks 33
Besides, twinkies are better than hoe hoes
BogJuan 5
Yeah I think you didn't see the username of the person who posted the FML Perdix. Oh well, you are bound to have a bad one every once in a while.
youtubetre_fml 14
You've got a funny boyfriend , just a bit immature :)
1958x 6
I find that to be pretty funny. I'd just brush it off.
saintaimee 7
Maybe you should lose a bit of weight. lol
Cassikitty 7
I'd have laughed too. That's the perfect response for somebody who's not in the mood. Be glad your boyfriend's got a sense of humor!
SiriusBlack97 17
The title!!
ikickgingers 15
Is it not normal to have sexual fantasies about Santa? O.o
RedPillSucks 33
You've been sitting on Santas lap waaaayyy too long.
iDaniel525 8
Ooo, me next, me next Santa!
GameOver008 1
LOL!!! Ummm.... Ugh that's not funny :P