Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML
Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
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Top comments
hahachun 4
Yes Santa?!! Hahahahaha
ollie179 21
No presents for him.
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Comments (166)
1JDub 6
Worst **** scene....EVER!!!!
bachooka 5
Obviously you haven't started watching the really good stuff yet if you think that's the worst **** scene ever...
Kiirst_mt1994 26
lol!
rberry88 4
Put medical tape on his scrotum, then get him to spoon you and commence with the junk rattling
ikickgingers 15
Is it a Red Ryder BB gun??????!??
Majstr 23
He did it for teh lulz!
NAAMxLOOS 11
YDI, that was awesome.
sicnesses 6
That's actually really funny
lenardisag 8
If he is male, all you have to do is take off your clothes and he'll be in the mood lol
RedHotMom26 3
Bahahaha!!!! Effin hilarious!
Shans021 4
thats hillarious why is this an fml? id love to be with a guy who has a sense of humor and can joke around. fml, this gets accepted whereas ive sent in real fmls and they get rejected.