Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
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Top comments
ifoundalaska 11
That is definitely one of the most grotesque things I have ever heard in my nineteen years of living.
Molzen 3
You should have at least tried waking him up or checking his pulse first..
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Comments (216)
perdix 31
You're the better man! You know what they say: Spitters are quitters.
akallaan 7
So... You swallow? ;)
MedKits 9
OP is a guy ;)
dude1122332 9
He also does parties.
baronsmommy 14
Although this is beyond disgusting, I hope this doesn't deter you from helping anyone else in the future. Good healthcare providers are hard to find.
143dav 8
I don't know about deforming... But I do know that she won't be enjoying food for a couple of days now..
luckyd880 12
Well there's lunch for ya.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
You honestly have no idea how much that made me shudder. That is extremely repulsive.
alycion 39
I think op had an idea and probably shuddered worse.
xxxSANAxxx 0
*GAGS*
just_dandy20 2
Why the hell are you doing mouth to mouth without a plastic guard anyway? Starting in 2007 they require you don't touch another person, without a mouth guard. YDI
Attica 20
yeah, because everyone carries one of those on them at all times. You make do in these unexpected situations, obviously. You don't just leave a situation alone when you have the chance to help someone in trouble because you forgot your mouth guard.
Cryptic17_fml 4
A mouth guard would not have prevented that.
ryankon518 3
Regardless, if someone is in cardiac arrest, compressions are going to save their life more than anything. Start that and call for EMS, let then do the ventilating when they get there.
loyeah 10
@Ω@ mega horror!!!! im not gonna read this for the second time D -: your life sucks though, op.
linkinpark98 24
At least you tried to help the guy. I am proud of you, OP. :)