Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
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Top comments
ifoundalaska 11
That is definitely one of the most grotesque things I have ever heard in my nineteen years of living.
Molzen 3
You should have at least tried waking him up or checking his pulse first..
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Comments (216)
lperalta990 0
Never swallow....
robc32ca 4
An RN and not able to identify if he was breathing BEFORE going lips first? Disintegrate they teach you if he's breathing CPR isn't necessary. I hope I don't get hurt on your watch...
22cute 17
Why would you do CPR on a man who can cough? You only do CPR on dead people if you are properly trained: no breath, no response, no pulse. People in need of CPR cannot cough "the moment your lips touch"
staticninja 8
Nurse? You always make sure that they aren't asleep first. That's the first thing you learn in CPR.
causticneon 5
Really. You didn't check his ABC,s. Lmao.
BigPurpleHarness 5
As a medic.... ydi for not checking a pulse before you start it. also, ditch the rescue breaths if you're unprotected. AHA states compressions beat rescue breaths anyway. so yeah, ydi for being an incompetent provider.
ryankon518 3
That's why we don't do mouth to mouth resuscitation...
ldc269 2
As a nurse shouldn't you know that you only give CPR to a person who is not breathing and does not have a pulse. Second do you not carry a CPR face mask in your purse the are fairly small and very affordable. I have one with me everywhere I go. Plus they make just the face protectors which will easily fit in your pocket!
Lord_Nord 4
You forgot the first step of CPR! "Are you OK, are you OK?!" , take pulse...
mskimbelinapham 5
I want to puke. Fml status for real!