Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
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Top comments
ifoundalaska 11
That is definitely one of the most grotesque things I have ever heard in my nineteen years of living.
Molzen 3
You should have at least tried waking him up or checking his pulse first..
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Comments (216)
vampire79 0
Wow, your registry seems to have some low standards.. well at least experience is taking over with it's share of lessons.
jadedragon 5
That's why you're suppost to use a barrier
day624 14
Supposed** my friend.. Let us hope the grammar Nazis do not come upon your comment.
josmiley_fml 0
Yuck!!! I wish I never read this!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Did you try checking his pulse first?
lou_knee 6
Currently we're not taught to check for pulse, only check for breathing.
sickerthings 0
126: Correction. Healthcare providers do check for pulse. Civillians do not.
Bloodknight 22
I audibly gagged upon reading this. That is truly disgusting!
RatatatPat 2
Silly rabbit, you forgot the ABC's! Check the airway, breathing and circulation before starting CPR.
musicforever444 4
That has to be the grossest thing I've ever heard...
MrLoux 6
Why did you try and give him cpr? Didn't they teach you to test his vitals before trying to crush his heart through his chest? I feel bad for you, but you as a registered nurse knows nothing about medicine. You could have killed him.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Yes clearly you know more then the registered nurse. He didn't do compressions any way he did mouth to mouth. Check yourself before you wreck yourself
Isoldael 27
According to my dictionary, CPR is used on people with cardiac arrest and includes chest compressions. If he's not in cardiac arrest, you don't call it CPR, just mouth-to-mouth.
22cute 17
AND CPR is only used on dead people: no pulse, no breath, no response. If he could cough, CPR is inappropriate. A nurse would know that.
day624 14
Those dang gag reflexes just dont come in handy when you really need them
jonnynasty 0
mmm I bet you did