Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ifoundalaska 11
That is definitely one of the most grotesque things I have ever heard in my nineteen years of living.
Molzen 3
You should have at least tried waking him up or checking his pulse first..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (216)
sandinthewaves 5
That's why the first thing you do when you come up to a casualty is check to see if they are responsive.
m1989_fml 10
This seriously made me gag and almost throw up, and I have a pretty strong stomach.
GreekMarine 2
If you were a good RN you'd know to follow your safety guidelines and not to put your unprotected mouth on a stranger. Have fun with AIDS genius.
whfirefighter42 1
This is fake but if it's real then you totally deserve it. A registered nurse would 1. Know better than to do mouth to mouth. 2. He/she would have checked for a pulse first. 3. He/she would have also tried everything including a painful stimulus to wake up this person before beginning CPR.
shadowPlayer 6
This is why you check their airway first. And use a breathing device.
katie887 2
Just FYI- new CPR protocol for BLS and ACLS suggests against mouth to mouth to protect the provider. Next time stick to compressions!!
KissMyGeek 2
No nurse would begin CPR on a random person without a proper barrier!
missmonkie 16
You are s dumb ass. The first thing you learn in CPR, never just perform it on anyone lying on the street! Shake them and ask they're ok. You need a refresher course. STAT!
whitecloud197 0
OMG YOUR AN IDIOT you tried to give him CPR without checking for a pulse or even if he was really unconcious and your a nurse ? wtf !!
mkoby 1
Anyone who paid attention during CPR training knows that you first check for signs of life, ie a pulse and breathing. They also now have changed the standards to exclude the mouth to mouth component. A competent nurse wouldn't just start pounding on someone's chest or breathing for them without assessing.