Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ifoundalaska 11
That is definitely one of the most grotesque things I have ever heard in my nineteen years of living.
Molzen 3
You should have at least tried waking him up or checking his pulse first..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (216)
Rhondaplp 11
that is the most disgusting thing I have ever read! - I dry reached and had shivered! OMG I would never EVER tell someone that... eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Honestly that is just so screwed up.. I dont want dinner tonight.
Cryptic17_fml 4
I guessing you wrote this with a straight face
Rhondaplp 11
I could hear my co-worker cough up flem while I wrote the comment. It only made things worse....
FYLDeep 26
Sounds fishy. Aren't you supposed to check if the guy is breathing and if his airway is clear beforehand? Seems like that would have alerted you that this guy is crazy prior to starting.
Enslaved 38
Swallowed? :P ***Don't scream about, don't think aloud Turn your head now, baby, just spit me out Don't worry about, don't speak of doubt Turn your head now, baby, just spit me out
perdix 31
"Swallowed" is by Bush and those are the lyrics to "December" by Collective Soul. Yeah, some of us are stuck in the 80's (& 90's).
Enslaved 38
I know. I saw both bands in concert before.(: And yeah, I'm stuck big time!!
perdix 31
I saw Collective Soul last year, but I've never seen Bush live . . . the band, that is ;)
meihua 19
At least you know how to swallow
Spectre529 12
Proably the nastiest fml this month
Pandacupcakelove 26
Oh my god! That's so disgusting! Well, at least you did a good deed? I'm sorry, though. FYL indeed.
MissAmz 7
Yep, I just gagged. If that were me id throw up on him and leave him there.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Well it's a damn good thing he wasn't a heartless bitch like you
MissAmz 7
1. I would throw up on him because I would throw up almost instantly. No doubt he would be in firing line for being so close. 2. I would leave, gather myself for a minute or two then return. I didn't realize not typing out my 'whole life story' made me a heartless bitch. It's called being human and your first initial reaction to something. Go eat a dick.
Cryptic17_fml 4
You said you would have left him there. That implies not coming back.
nismo_r2 5
You being a nurse failed to follow the most important rule in healthcare . Protect yourself body substance isolation. Why do mouth to mouth without a barrier . Call 911 . And CPR beings with compressions now not breathing . You deserve it probably got something now
Sprezlaus 9
Agreed! Although if he wasn't breathing but had a pulse, breathing was the right thing to do. Last thing I heared was that breathing isn't even mandatory anymore, the amount of oxygen you "donate" is that limited that the victim is helped more with constant compressions. Should have checked for obstructions first anyway, if he went down due to an obstruction in his respiratory system, there would have been signs.
mrswren 5
It wasn't mentioned but we don't know that they didn't check the vitals, sweep the airway and not try compressions first. You do realize how limited space is to submit a FML right?
anki30 1
Laurbear ur gorgeous beauty
Cryptic17_fml 4
Yes, everyone