Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML
Today, I was at a friend’s party when I needed to use the restroom. I walked into a closet and couldn’t find my way out in the dark. I ended up knocking over several items before someone heard the commotion and rescued me. I think someone recorded the whole thing so I'm afraid it gets posted it onto social media. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom, but the door was closed. I waited until I was pretty much about to explode, and eventually yelled, "Are you okay?" and my roommate replied, "What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. I left the light on." How do you close the door and forget to turn off the light? FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
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Top comments
IreadFMLnaked 0
This is pretty good blackmail material. Better be nice to your bro.
lolzRaptor 1
If it was a very serious shit, you would have not taken your mind off of such a serious excrement, therefore there would be no crying and no FML, so it obviously wasn't a serious shit, just a normal one.
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Comments (257)
kaykayhyde 0
I call fake. Too many dramatic details.
spillproof 0
you might want to see someone about that
Einstein714 0
what is a serious shit? I mean, every shit I take is serious.
Fahad_fml 0
lmao
Kyran17 0
Thats ****** sad son damn embarassment
icertainlysuck 0
"A Serious Shit"?
Soup_fml 0
I really don't understand why so many people's immediate reaction to stories like this is to call the person a "pussy". What is the point of throwing petty insults around? Channeling Cartman isn't exactly a great way to gain anyone's respect. So yeah, the guy overreacted to a phobia that most people wouldn't understand, and he probably ought to do something to get over that fear. Big deal. Are people ever going to reach a point where hostility and contempt aren't dealt quite so freely?
hazri 0
If he is not a pussy, then how far down the scale before we can rightfully call someone a pussy
Soup_fml 0
Actually, my comment was more a remark about the general tone of the comments on this site. Whether or not I happen to personally agree or sympathize with somebody, it still irritates me when people respond by launching into character attacks and insults with no thought-out point.
Soup_fml 0
That was supposed to be a reply to #39. I don't know why it showed up here.
Joborikos 0
its weird sometimes... let it go lol
generalsmith2 0
you sir are also indeed... a pussy
Sharrakor 0
NO U
Nolanor 0
Clearly you've never been on the internets before. It's a way of life how people respond here, get used to it. It's hilarious
thedonkeh 0
aww pity you :(
ZuRG_fml 7
Even if it's completely true and it was indeed recorded, why does the recording still exist? It sounds like there's not nearly enough sibling ass-kicking in your family. Jack him in the face and make it clear that A) he'll be punched every hour on the hour until it's deleted and B) if he tells anyone, he gets a free concussion. Mr. Captain of the Football Douchers should be able to make it happen. Adapt Maddox's child disciplinary page: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat PS, what captain of any football team doesn't wield enough influence to shut up a little brother? srsly?
_BedSpread 0
LMFAO. I love you. x]
generalsmith2 0
nah, if he tries to beat his little bro up, the kid will just kill the lights. film it again. maybe cut out his nightlight and wake him up when he tries to sleep.
blueknight1st 26
"PS, what captain of any football team doesn't wield enough influence to shut up a little brother? srsly?" The kind that is so much of a pussy that when the light go out he starts to cry like an infant. I would not only put that video on the internet but I would also rent some time on the local public access tv channel and broadcast it on tv as well.
Joborikos 0
You see why FML is so useful? If this guy told anyone he knew or even someone who met him in person about this, he would catch an ass whooping for being a puss. But since we don't know who he is, he can vent to us and look for comfort and pray that someone will comment on this and say "Dude no way! Me too. I feel your pain!" Its a shame that will never happen because this is beyond being a puss... but keep your head up junior. Maybe your balls will drop from your ****** and you will finally be a man. Good luck on your sex change :( All this translates to... you fail on an epic scale.
Sharrakor 0
And yet a mere 3 comments later, someone says they share his pain. =-P
KellykopterXD 0
Lol serious shit. What would a funny one be like? Squeaky I presume. Ew.