Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML
Today, I was at a friend’s party when I needed to use the restroom. I walked into a closet and couldn’t find my way out in the dark. I ended up knocking over several items before someone heard the commotion and rescued me. I think someone recorded the whole thing so I'm afraid it gets posted it onto social media. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom, but the door was closed. I waited until I was pretty much about to explode, and eventually yelled, "Are you okay?" and my roommate replied, "What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. I left the light on." How do you close the door and forget to turn off the light? FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
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Top comments
IreadFMLnaked 0
This is pretty good blackmail material. Better be nice to your bro.
lolzRaptor 1
If it was a very serious shit, you would have not taken your mind off of such a serious excrement, therefore there would be no crying and no FML, so it obviously wasn't a serious shit, just a normal one.
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Comments (257)
ForsakenGlory 0
And, you being 'captain of the Varsity football team' is relevant, because? God, I hate it when people think they're so great.
Sharrakor 0
I doubt he's really trying to improve his image among others he didn't know. Mentioning that he's the captain of the football team is likely to reinforce how much of a blow it is to his image; the captain of the football team would most likely be strong, brave, yadda-e-yadda, and here he is reduced to crying by simple lack of light.
InsaneChampion 3
Plus he's from Texas and high school football is a big deal here....idk why but it is
yunolaugh 0
Only cuz ur not...
Tubasaurus 0
Captain eh? So you're slightly more talented than the rest of your talentless football team then?
genius_man16 1
lmao. Reminds me of my high school team. I was captain of my team, but we went 1-26 in my 3 years there XD Not because of me obviously, I'm perfect, it was all them. :P
baller789 0
YDI for having a light bulb
Ashleigh_85 0
you are just jealous as you can't afford a light bulb !! =P
theJoker61208 0
HAHA thats what jocks are really made of.
ashole1990 10
shit?
dirtyhippie 0
I don't get the part about your mom having to pick the lock but people can't help phobias and it must have been serious if you couldn't stop from being subject to all that embarrassment.
BigdipperFML 0
Your school's football team must blow ****. Pussy
MetalCraze 11
YDI for being a pussy your brother rocks though
falling_over 0
We do not really fear the dark. There is nothing scary about darkness, it is just the absence of light. What really frightens us is the unknown, the things we can't see hiding around us, the things that the lack of light keeps from us. We all experience this fear walking alone on dark streets, creeping around our houses at night, etc. What I don't understand is what there could possibly be to fear between you, your sink, and the toilet. Think of it like this. Of all the worlds murders, real and imagined, I have never one heard of one that occurred mid-excretion. In simpler words, get over it and use your rational mind.
Manon_fml 2
"There is nothing to be feared from a body, Harry, any more than there is anything to be feared from the darkness. Lord Voldemort, who of course secretly fears both, disagrees. But once again he reveals his own lack of wisdom. It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."
zehr0 0
This is the millionth time I've heard that.
blackdog218 0
Well gosh, Mr. Harry Potter, how about you shove your wand up Hermoine's ass?
WitchCirce 0
Yes, use your rational mind, because mental health issues and neuroses such as serious phobias are completely subject to the control of rational thought. Except of course they're not. For example, I have a serious phobia of mannequins. It's a completely irrational fear (which, by definition, is what phobias are), and I know this, but it doesn't stop me from bordering on an anxiety attack when I go into a clothing store. Mental dysfunction can't be cured by your own mind.
himynameisadam 0
Actualy last time I checked, I controll when I scream and cry because i'm in the dark. It is something that is completely controlable, in case you didn't know, people can overcome fears.
Sharrakor 0
Unfortunately, it isn't that easy for everyone.
meme3 0
And in case YOU didn't know (#96), phobias aren't fears. Fears are thing you are afraid of up front, in your first or second layer of your brain, so it isn't too hard to get rid of. A phobia, however, is something deeply wedged in a deep corridor inside you semi-conscious, which controls anything you yourself cannot control. If one was to use the same methods of up front and immediate cures people used for fears and used them for a phobia, you would probably get the person at least unconscious, and then to heart failure and death from the shock. tl;dr:Fears are easier to get rid of then phobias.
abasio 1
I still get terrified of my phobias, it's not easy to beat the fear. What is easier is to control your reaction to your fear and screaming and wailing because you are scared means you're a pussy. Learn to control yourself.
Fahad_fml 0
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! (no pun intended) that sucks.
Sipos 0
Haha.