Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML
Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML
Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML
Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower and my neighbor called the police because they thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
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Top comments
billiejoeinabox 7
Demonstrate your singing for the cops!
tacojauns 45
Just play it off cool, "Ya officer I was practicing singing for my metal band."
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Comments (60)
billiejoeinabox 7
Demonstrate your singing for the cops!
Soviet_American 29
I hear the next Adele coming.. Or a flock of birds
BubbleGrunge 18
Flock of Seagulls.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Nooo, you keep doing it, trying to sound more bird-like. Just pretend you have no idea what could be making the sound, laugh it off to them and the police. They'll call the cops again, each time, no bird. Then, one day, you use their assumed craziness for your own evil deeds. I've not decided what those deeds should be, but there's bound to be some uses there. Plus making people think they're going crazy sounds fun.
Evanito007 13
And I ran, I ran so far awaaay?
pitapizzaparty 18
#7 adele sounds nothing like a screeching bird
pwnman 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Easy fix. Just when they find out there is no animal, say you realized you sang quietly and you'll shut up!
Cruzg2017 18
What?
pwnman 33
Ugh, with this FML scrolling bug, I make mistakes. I meant to say that when they find out there is no animal living in OP's house, he can say he realized its his singing and he will therefore be quiet.
BlueFlatts 20
Screw the neighbors. I find it difficult to believe that they thought you were a bird.
sieheidhe 4
Wow they should have checked up on you
tacojauns 45
Just play it off cool, "Ya officer I was practicing singing for my metal band."
silvercamaro 22
"I'm shooting for a Skid Row/Judas Priest screech effect"
Roskosity 22
You sing all you want. As Elphaba says, "They're never gonna briiinng meeeee doowwwnn!!!! Oh woahohoh!!"
Pandaz7 10
6th
CharismaGeek 19
Try to explain to both the police and the neighbors that you're a horribke singer, OP. This made me laugh :'P
BlueFlatts 20
If you sang a lot would you want to tell the police and neighbors that you suck at singing? I find that ignorance is bliss.
CharismaGeek 19
Ok sorry, that wasn't right. Try to explain to both that you were singing, OP.
OysterPearls 33
I could be wrong, but don't birds screech anyway? Sans abuse?
Aero_x 21
I have a couple of parakeets and they are always screeching at eachother because the male wants kisses, but the female ends up pecking his face if she isn't in the mood :D
cadillacgal79 32
Is it weird I find that strangely adorable?
juturnaamo 29
My female parakeet dropped her mate on his head for that :( when parakeets say no, they mean it.
Brandi_Faith 34
No means no male parakeets!
gracehi 33
Damn. Either you are the most ear splitting banshee ever to plague the earth, or your neighbor is the punking king.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Buy a cd with animal sex noises and bury t under their bedroom window.
cakefete2 31
Do they even sell that? Admittedly, it might be more musical than some of the stuff on the radio, but still, that's kind of creepy. Also, once you search for that, advertisements for bird sex sound cd's will begin to flood your banner ads.
foxwasalamb 24
a cd? whats a cd? you hipster
Arwen_Evenstar 37
I'm not sure what burying it would do. Playing it may have a better effect.
Ichiya 29
Burying it hides the evidence that op was weird enough to not only google animal sex noise cds but actually purchased one.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Or bury it so the neighbor won't find and turn it off.