Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, I was taking a piss in my toilet, and my cat came and jumped up onto the toilet bin and looked at what I was doing. Instinctively, thinking she'd jump in or something, I grabbed her while I was midstream, causing me to piss on her, and on my hand. FML
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Top comments
False_Stupidity 42
All you had to do was tell it to piss off! But no, you had to do it the hard way. You cocked up and now urine trouble.
maryiah 21
Hopefully this happened at home, not in a public restroom.. Sorry op
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Comments (104)
missyfiona89 28
A mosquito startled you. A wasp perhaps, but a mosquito?!
AsianCookie247 14
Hey, if it was headed for YOUR genitals while urinating, I highly doubt you'd sit back and watch! So shuddddupp.
TabooSushi 24
Hey, those bastards can carry malaria, which is a pretty nasty illness that can kill you if it's not treated properly. Not only that, but their bites itch like crazy. Imagine having an itchy spot on your naughty bits, where you couldn't scratch it in public without looking like a creep. I'd say being wary of a mosquito is pretty legitimate, all things considered.
chickenfeet223 11
We guys take our genitals serious
missyfiona89 28
I would probably just wave it away with my hands instead of freaking out and pissing all over myself. But hey, that's just my opinion.
sadistmonkey 19
Malaria in California?
speakersboom 19
what situation could someone be in where a wasp is by their fun-bits?
TabooSushi 24
51, it happens. It's not COMMON, but it happens.
TabooSushi 24
I'm a woman and that sounds unpleasant, I don't blame you for spazzing out a bit. FYL, OP, hope you were able to have a shower and change clothes soon after. :(
OzzMonster 10
I would have done the same. There are some places a man cannot afford to lose even a small amount of blood
AGB10 19
Better that than a bitten penis eh;)
peggscott 14
I was going to say you deserved it, But then I realised it's probably something that I would do... So I agree, your life sucks OP
Eltobak 13
How hard can it be to keep the dick in one hand and get the mosqito away with the othet hand. Or just stop pissing while getting it away?
Echoa21 18
Maybe he has to use both hands when urinating?
brivielle 15
#19 to stop pissing midstream isn't as easy as you think
dingostacy 14
Good idea except it doesn't usually work out like that.
tman1985 9
"Cut your piss off Ricky"
Jakob2255 12
someone needs to learn some control I have had to do the same thing but I did not freak out. it just a mosquito not a gremlin lol
sbrideau 14
why didn't you stop pissing when you saw that coming?
parism143 28
I don't know about you but I can't just stop pissing at will. Once the urinary tract is in use, there's no stopping it until the bladder's empty.
Liamj774 36
That little bugger
Lunasis 14
gahh the puns @.@
Enslaved 38
¡Bicho!