Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML
Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML
Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML
Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML
Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML
Today, I was trying to scare a squirrel away from my bird feeder. It was on my privacy fence, so I picked up a rock just to throw at the fence to startle it. I hit the squirrel in the head and he fell off on the other side. I don't know if he's okay or not. FML
Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML
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Top comments
TiggityTony 5
Fatality.
gc327072 31
Quietly bring it home and make an epic turkey breast sandwich!
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Comments (247)
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Ouch... F the Turkey's life...
wlddog 14
OP: "Oh you got a turkey last year? What did you kill it with? Ah, you shot it, thats nice. You'r an awesome hunter. I only used my right foot to kill mine."
asnakelovinbabe 16
F the op's life. They actually believe a turkey is a "stupid" animal. Turkeys are incredibly smart. They can also really lay a hurting on you... This one may have been attempting to spur the OP in the moment it "flew" at them. That can be really painful... I accidentally killed a chicken in this same way... He had cornered me and was spurring my legs, so I threw out my boot In defense and killed him by accident. I was just a kid. Knowing what I know now, I would have grabbed that little bastard and punted him clear across the farm.
mansen 15
turkeys are evil. I am still terrified of them due to my father and uncles sick sense of humour when I was 8yrs old. Go ahead, go into the pen and pet the turkey that is as big as you! He is really friendly! Stupid naive me went in all excited to pet said turkey though asking aloud why his head was turning purple. Soon found out as I was running for my lil 8yr old life from a very very pissed off turkey. The adults? Nearly pissing themselves laughing. Me...scarred for life...turkeys are evil.
Squirrel1256 15
I thought Turkey's were the animals that liked to look up during thunderstorms, causing them to drown. Doesn't seem very smart to me...
pipinya 8
76 - please read what you just said and try to explain how that is even remotely possible
kozzard 17
look up mouth open, mouth fills with water, too stupid to spit/swallow water, dies when lungs fill with water from trying to breathe. its not hard to figure out 86
99megster 15
76) I've heard something like that too. I think it's ostriches that do that.... Not sure it it's true or not though
lunarstarfox 6
yeah they do that 76, domestic ones are more prone to do so than wild ones
elephantsarecute 16
1- Sadly, I don't think the turkey has a life to be F'd anymore.
fml121785 14
68- I agree, I had a very similar experience. Good job OP you probably just saved some child from a future turkey attack. Turkeys are evil.
summy15423 12
Who shoo's anything away by kicking?
Palirose 22
I hope OP at least took it home to cook. >>
outoftown 27
68 - The turkey was just being a turkey. Your father and uncles were turkeys for putting you in harm's way.
lambda_fml 40
Kool story, brah.
patrickalamo 48
There is a penalty for being stupid. This time it was death. And a good dinner
Raesin 21
89 - There are people that actually believe that?
squishycat 6
I had a rooster like that when I was a kid! We nicknamed him Cujo, because he was so vicious, he was like a rabid dog (And, no, we never mistreated any of our animals, he was just psycho) We had to keep him outside the chicken run, or else he'd gore the hens. When some local cops showed up, who were friends of my dad's, they thought it would be a good idea to put him back in, as they thought he'd gotten loose. Two shredded uniforms and a trip to the hospital later...
ChaCerCam 14
...
Akagii_Yamashita 8
They'd drown because the rain would be inhaled by the turkey and the bird would drown.
RavenDesired 10
Omg, poor turkey, but LOL.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
I have to say, I would feel like complete shit after I mistakenly killed a turkey. But a part of my mind would be like "LOL, WHY DID YOU RUN INTO IT! LOL OMG".
Cartera 10
38 - I think you're insane if you are expressing emotions as acronyms.
killmoose 5
Idk why people are so sad... They eat turkey every single year with your family
verkaderk 9
75 I was wondering the same. Why waste a perfectly good turkey? It's already dead anyways
MrPlopper 9
162- it was in a park, OP might not be legally able to just kill the bird and take it home to eat
andyyroxx 20
Ask Dwight.
klutz44 28
174 - if it's illegal to kill the bird anyway, he might as well dispose of the body so he doesn't get in trouble. Dispose of it right into his belly. Mmmm turkey dinner!
yoyoforpeace 14
#125 but we never kill it ourselves and if we do it's not on accident. I would feel bad if I accidentally killed an animal...anyone with a heart would.
node_fml 5
187 I wouldn't call this a true accident. Turkeys are very aggressive I'd just be relieved the turkey wasn't attacking me anymore.
Mirailecious 23
Ouch. at least it was a quick death, not a slow painful one.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Well, I'd think having its neck kicked in would be pretty painful...
Mirailecious 23
If it died on the spot, I don't think the turkey stayed alive long enough to feel that much pain. If it didn't die on the spot, then F the turkey's life.
vehementbitch 4
Lets just hope no one saw that, and walk away like nothing ever happened. :)
fml121785 14
Don't chickens run around after their heads get cut off sometimes? So he probably felt his broken neck for quite a while! Haven't you heard of Mike the Headless Chicken that lived for a year and a half after having his head cut off? Yea, I'm sure he was in quite a lot of pain.
lilhellian 27
My question is how can something live a year an a half decapicated.. I know roaches live a week before they die of starvation.. But the chicken.. I require proof..
geko911 22
Not sure if troll or incredibly gullible person...
bethrocksya 9
Google it! Miracle mike! Lol they were gonna chop his head for supper but the axe missed! So they kept him alive... Poor thing!
lilhellian 27
His head was still attached>.> Half on but still on is on!
TiggityTony 5
Fatality.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Flawless Victory!
iTsbSkuLLy 8
Yep OP has definitely and successfully mastered death quando
Pleonasm 36
Test your strike.
Bstaut 8
TEEHEE!
newbiehere99 6
FINISH HER
inzunza 5
YAHTZEEE!!!
octopussperm125 18
Everybody was kung fu fighting....
DaftDude 11
Turkality!
gc327072 31
Quietly bring it home and make an epic turkey breast sandwich!
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Yeah just strolling down the sidewalk carrying a 20 pound dead turkey...
vewwe 20
Thanksgiving is saved!
SamiWebs 5
Haha. That's classic.
gc327072 31
24- yup. Gobblers gonna gobble.
lambda_fml 40
Damn your ninja reflexes.
BlowinChronic 18
You should have just let it follow you and told everyone it was your pet turkey. Everyone would have thought it was hilarious, but instead you killed it and now look like an asshole.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Dangnabit, now I want a pet turkey!
SApprentice 34
19- They're actually not that bad for pet fowl. I prefer a nice pet rooster, because the turkeys tend to be more standoffish, but really, they're not bad. Some of them like head rubs and things, or having their backs scritched at. They just need a little bit of space, a nice nesting area, and a sincere promise to never eat them and they're happy.
23Z9TZO 18
Thanks Captain Hindsight :D
Incredidanny 5
Mmm.. Dinner!
Nicholi124 10
And I shall call it the kick of death
yourlifesucksHA 14
Wtf?!?
Nicholi124 10
Thank you 221
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Are you perhaps a practitioner of Death-Kwon-Do?
idgaf528 6
More like... Death-Kwon-"Dont"!! **buh dum, tss**
perdix 31
Too bad you don't live in America -- you would have scored your Thanksgiving feast about 9 months early.
420Zombie 17
just toss that bad boy in the freezer for the next 8 months...