Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML
Today, I butt-dialed my ex-boyfriend while venting to my best friend about how hot but emotionally unavailable he is. I realized this when there was a lull in the conversation and I heard his tinny little voice coming out of the phone, saying, "I can hear you." FML
Today, I realized how lonely I am when someone called my number by mistake and I talked with them for 5 minutes. I don’t know who she was, but I'm so lonely I was happy to have someone engage in a conversation, even if it was about her calling the wrong number. FML
Today, I spent 30 minutes listening to my crush complain about a stalker that's been sending her flowers and love poems almost every week. It's me. FML
Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML
Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML
Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML
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Top comments
howslife123 0
that's odd because every Friday night I call this desperate housewife and yesterday she ranted for two hours about how her husband still wears adult diapers
SeaChicken 0
Thats ehh pretty disturbing?
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Comments (85)
CallMeHush 1
Great, now you have bored two guys to death.
IrishWildMan 3
It seems the shoe is on the other foot now!
perdix 31
Masturbating while you whine and complain doesn't really count as "listening."
aback 5
Yeah, she probably doesn't let her husband beat off while he "listens" to her.
Perdition 4
I'm not sure aback is trackin' with us, Perdix.
aback 5
Break it down for you? Creeper on the phone is beating off to the sound of her voice, which she interprets as listening. She probably objects when hubby starts to whack it out of sheer boredom while she drones on and on about her shit, so he no longer has reason to even pretend to pay attention. Am I keeping up?
ohSNAPyall 27
For now.
atomheartm_fml 0
#13 -> It doesn't? Darn it.
jewels1877 0
He probably touched himself the whole time. Thanks to you, creepers will feel more encouraged to do things like this.
SeaChicken 0
Hey, there's always the option to hang up the phone. duh.
Privations_fml 3
Did you have phone sex for 2 hours?
yesiyes 0
-_____-"
Privations_fml 3
What is your problem? Stay on the line with someone who's grunting, and I expect you to be doing the same.
mightymart 5
yeah ok good idea to encourage the lunatic.. looking forward to read about your tragic ending in the newspaper
roxanne597 0
I can't believe no one has called. bullshit. seriously?
UnanomousGurl 0
Diz iz probably the future lonely me except without a husband just all alone FML
jagsizzle 0
lol yu can always call me ..SIKE