Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML
Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML
Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML
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Top comments
alexwow1 13
You have hilarious friends man
Ashgeliton 7
Um how exactly was that supposed to cure your loneliness??
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Comments (85)
inkdeath87 18
You might want to get some actual friends. Or call the cops. Either works.
Uramonkey 11
He just wants OP to join the dark brotherhood. Nothing illegal here.
Pyro_Wolf 17
No, 17 the Dark Brotherhood is very illegal. The Morag Tong however.... Wow...I'm a nerd..
PterodactylMan 23
I think 24 just won my full respect for the Skyrim reference
dakotahulsey 15
Deff a morrowind reference
Pyro_Wolf 17
You're right 56, I was going for Morrowind. But Skyrim kinda works too.
challan 19
In the name of Mephala!
webbface 25
I mix up the Elder Scrolls all the time, especially which missions came from each dark brotherhood from each game. Regardless 24's reply was genius.
random_stuff 15
Both 24 and 17, you are fantastic. One of the first Elder Scrolls references I've seen that wasn't directly related to Skyrim (which is pretty awesome, don't get me wrong). Morrowind and Oblivion for the win, yo!
alexwow1 13
You have hilarious friends man
persianninja 23
I wish my friends would do stuff like this
alexwow1 13
Mine does it but I found out it was him when he accidentally for to put *67
Ashgeliton 7
Um how exactly was that supposed to cure your loneliness??
Legendslayer222 26
Perhaps the friend was summoning some demons to keep the OP company?
LissaMccracken 23
I know I'd never be lonely again if someone would summon up a demon party for me :( but no. nobody loves enough
gc327072 31
Well 60 I don't know any devil chants, but I guess I can just repeatedly say KOYAAANNIIISSQATSSSIIIIIIII
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
#64 is that a reference to Philip Glass, or the 1983 film? (I love me some Philip Glass)
aboelmagd 18
I guess you'd rather be forever alone.
jjessen 20
Don't worry OP, I'll be your new BFF :)
Mideoyeo 12
Well, at least you found out it was someone you knew! Now go and terrify that bastard OP! :D
TheyCallMePB 9
Hide outside his window and when he noticed say "You seemed lonely, bro."
TheyCallMePB 9
assuming you know him
VictorianBabe 8
Friendship over, right??? Lol
HowieDoIt 21
Hahaha totally! Isn't it just totes cool to put multiple question marks and an lol????
spearcom 13
Call back and pretend to be a girl and say the same thing back
iBanana 17
He might be a great guy. Sounds like he has a kick ass sense of humor.
hcollins1 18
I'd want him as a friend, because I'd know I'd never be bored! Honestly if I was getting those kinds of phone calls I'd play along to see who freaks who out the most.
RoboCunnilingus 23
He was clearly conjuring Beelzebub to become your bestie.
FluffyWizdom 15
you should get caller ID
Allennis44 16
*69 at the beginning of dialing a number makes your call restricted
aboelmagd 18
What's wrong with that and OP never said anything about the *69