Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML
Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML
Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Gosh! You can’t make small talk with strangers anymore without them freaking out. I always thought the safe topics for polite conversation were the weather, sports and reproductive cycles.
Dave_Davington 34
Were you?
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Comments (11)
Dave_Davington 34
Were you?
Fickle 6
Wrong, Just WRONG!
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I would start carrying mace if I were you.
RichardPencil 32
Gosh! You can’t make small talk with strangers anymore without them freaking out. I always thought the safe topics for polite conversation were the weather, sports and reproductive cycles.
fabs1171 23
Always best to avoid controversial topics such as politics and religion
LadyRen 20
Well, were you?
RJR 5
All I can picture is the Smelly Cat Friends episode...
demix_fml 32
This gave me gag! I hope you’re okay.
real life problems 26
If this app had smell-o-vision, we would smell it all around the world too.
Razell 13
That's when you pull out your best Hannibal Lecter impression, and tell him that he looks like his liver would go well with fava beans and a nice Chianti.