Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML
Today, alone at my new company, the guy who works the front desk joined me for lunch. I was touched at first, but then he proceeded to have a conversation (against my will) with me about Whitney Houston, for over an hour. That's one lunch break I'll never get back. FML
Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML
Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML
Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML
Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML
Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML
Today, my coworker has once again called in and asked me to cover her shift. She does this for every single one of her shifts, and my boss told me that if I don’t cover it, I’ll be fired. I used to have a life, but not anymore. FML
Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML
Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my two weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So she was the reincarnation of Whiney Houston before Whitney died? How exactly does that work? Oooh! Maybe when this idiot was born she stole some of Whitney's soul and that's why Whitney spiraled into lunacy during her last few years. Ha! I've finally solved the mystery of "What the **** went wrong with Whitney Houston".
morganrules123 10
Whitney obviously put a horcrux in this poor girl.
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Comments (149)
malikorslip 3
Wants to be Paris and is the reincarnation of Whitney? Would have thought her skin colour would determine which one she can be!
HooyoMacaan 7
She probably thinks she's a great singer like whitney.
HooyoMacaan 7
Haha yeah, I was just trying to be helpful since 1 seemed confused. :p
featherygoose 9
I doubt she is actually Whitney Houston.
IAmAGinger 7
25- thank you for that insightful comment. Now, tell me, I've always wondered, and in your infinite wisdom, maybe you can tell me: what color is the sky?
efemel94 7
13 - a nice alternative to "no shit, Sherlock"! I'll be adding that to my bank of sarcastic replies! :D
MustangGirl72 9
34: Purple
featherygoose 9
34 - blue, it was named after the color sky blue. 42 - you should probably get your eyes checked... It's blue.
unhappybitch 8
#47 I cant tell if you're being sarcastic or you're just plain stupid.
purpledrizzle 5
Aside for 13, 33, 34 & 49, this thread leaves me with no hope for mankind.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
#49, it's FML. It's kinda taken for granted that she's just retarded.
IAmAGinger 7
42: are you sure? I swear it was orange...
unhappybitch 8
#53 I still had hope that she was being sarcastic but oh well all hopes lost just like #51 said.
featherygoose 9
I'm a guy by the way. And I'm not being stupid, stop being mean.
alanalovesyou 0
I hate my generation.
ElricMustang 23
60- I guess it depends on where you're from. Over here it's yellow...
doctorhook86 25
#25 was funny. Thumbs up folks! OP: Your coworker must be quite young. Like, what, six months old?
IAmAGinger 7
Huh, fascinating. I'll have to come to the land of the Yellowsky to see this glorious sky.
unhappybitch 8
#68 I also hate our generation
boofgall 16
47- By the way, the color was named 'sky blue' was named after the sky, not the other way around, dumbass.
sovetskiy 8
I dunno. Thinking she's Whitney Houston is a lot better than Snoop Dogg thinking he's Bob Marley.
IAmAGinger 7
120- no...it isn't. At all.
doctorhook86 25
123: Then what of Justin Bieber claiming himself "the Kurt Cobain of our generation"? Thumb me down. Bury this comment and JB's terrible hubris along with it.
killmepills 5
He could be if he'd just shoot himself, JB is the one of the most popular musicians today just like Kurt was. The only difference being Kurt had talent.
nuhuh 1
Skin color isn't everything. *insert name calling and cussing and ranting here*
CatPupsRule 0
You have my vote!!! I don't know why I ever even bother reading this stuff sometimes!!
Slender_Man 6
34- the colour of the sky is blue. It was named after the sky blue colour. I'm pretty ******* sure that the sky was made before crayons.
Slender_Man 6
34- nothing. The sky has no true colour.
doctorhook86 25
149: Colour is subjective, but sky definitely reflects a specific range of wavelengths of light...so it's fair to say that the sky does have a colour.
DocBastard 40
So she was the reincarnation of Whiney Houston before Whitney died? How exactly does that work? Oooh! Maybe when this idiot was born she stole some of Whitney's soul and that's why Whitney spiraled into lunacy during her last few years. Ha! I've finally solved the mystery of "What the **** went wrong with Whitney Houston".
morganrules123 10
Whitney obviously put a horcrux in this poor girl.
Sinkhole 26
Hey, Doc, if Snoop Lion can be the reincarnation of someone who hadn't died when he was born, then so can this girl.
efemel94 7
And she would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!
PrimeEvilTahir 24
31- It's the same guy just with a new name.
IAmAGinger 7
Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion recently and now does reggae. He visited Jamaica and claims that a Rastafarian priest told him he was a lion or something stupid like that. He also claims to be the reincarnation of Bob Marley.
Dixbfloppin 11
I still wonder why he didn't change it to "Snoop Lionn" instead. The extra g at the end of his former name made it sound cooler, why not add an extra n to his current one?
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Snoop Dog just realized that all the weed he smoked was nothing compared to Jamaica's. It was so strong it turned him into a ******* loon.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm the reincarnation of Chip and Dale.
AphyTheBronette 15
I'm the reincarnation of ... Oh I forgot e.e damn it..
iRoc46n2 4
Go along with it, you may get to hear about some bad habits that could get her fired and possibly get to make a night vision video of your own
IAmAGinger 7
I doubt they want that "night-vision video" if they made an FML complaining about her...
Psych101 9
Are you kidding me? Film her and sell the video to Hollywood. Next thing you know, OP, you'll be a successful movie director.
Zachthejoker 10
I have to deal with the exact same thing at my store. I just do what I can to get as far away from her as possible. If that doesn't work, then might I suggest earplugs?
esines 9
Wow your 20 something year old Paris Hilton wannabe coworker thinks she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston too? What a coincidence
Xythenol 6
I'm so glad to know there are others with this problem, I thought I was the only one!
KiddNYC1O 22
Willy Wonka is a creepy mofo. That is all.
b0ngs 7
22- you're**
klovely22 13
RIGHT!!? I hate when people try to insult others and don't use words correctly.
ghostlilac 25
105 - No, it's "your"
ItsTheMo 10
Why are people thumbs-downing this?
saintsrocksocks 10
Umm, guys, it's your.
Jaxx66 21
105, "You're" is translated to "You are".... So unless you want sentences to sound funny, lets not try to be a grammar nazi, again. What's sad is I've seen you here for a while, I figured you would know the difference!
MURIKKA 11
At least she can't be one of those "YOLO" fuckfaces if she believes in reincarnation...
reallytho3 11
My dad once told me never underestimate the stupidity of someone... I think that applies here lol
Dixbfloppin 11
So I told everyone at my school I was the reincarnation of Adolfo Hitler. YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO YOLO
Zoh_Aubrey 8
I never understood the YOLO craze. Did motherfuckers REALLY believed they could live twice before Drake?
hoper423 3
This comment is hilarious
Ch0sen 13
I never understood the reasoning behind the "YOLO" craze. Don't you only want to do stupid shit when you know you have MORE than one life?
Bluekaren16 19
110 - exactly! Why would you want to screw up your one life that you have? If people had 9 lives then they can really live their lives to the fullest until they a little bit of lives left.
Rectov 10
So if you don't believe in reincarnation you're retarded... Seems legit
Gemini907 18
no. he's saying that since YOLO stands for"you only live once," that you cannot believe in reincarnation at the same time.
Arrawyn 12
That's funny cause that's impossible. It's not like Whitney Houston has been dead for twenty-something years
redbluegreen 41
I think that's the point.
zen4681 8
7- No shit, Sherlock.
ebonyirony 29
Uh Whitney Houston died this year. I can't tell where the sarcasm is running or if you're just stupid. Like where it starts and stops.
BubbleGrunge 18
Wow, she's got awesome idols. Whatever happened to wanting to be astronauts or presidents?
Schiffy 18
That all went down the drain when the teen pop idols of the 21st century came to town.
br0ccoli 15
It's kind of hard to look up to politicians when there's so much bipartisanship that change can't happen. Add to that the massive effect of the recession on lower and middle class families and all you can do to relieve that situation is to live vicariously through tv characters who live a life completely opposite to the hardship and stress of real life. People who idolize people who others say are 'mindless and trivial' do so only because it is a poor man's vacation from what is really happening around them. Can you blame them? If people want the next generation to stop idolizing trust fund babies, there needs to be a medium where hard work can actually guarantee a good life. As it stands, it glamorizes narcissism and links the pursuit of happiness through hard work and dedication as obsolete and archaic.
dominic1221 6
This is FML, get the **** out with the political shit.
Legendoflaw 4
Very well spoken. I completely agree.
br0ccoli 15
38-That 'political shit' is an FML in itself. Besides, I was answering a question.
zandalee 20
Broccoli- I really like your comment. Bravo.
elmousey 5
Only the first sentence in Broccoli's comment was "political shit", the rest was just sad but true.
br0ccoli 15
Yeah, that first sentence is a generalization. I just wish things would move forward, that's all. Its tough to watch hardworking people suffer from things beyond their control.
br0ccoli 15
Thanks for the kudos, everyone. Sometimes, I feel I'm the only one that feels that way about this idolizing scenario. People are just trying to cope.
SliceOfCake 9
She's a horcrux. That's the only possible explanation.
esines 9
Good job copying number 4. Real original Brick.
Blackmail111 9
Hey 23! Guess what? Some people read FML's at later times and decide to comment before they read every single gosh darn comment and with 7 billion people in this world, there's bound to be some who have the same idea! Who woulda thunk, right? Asshole.
Schiffy 18
Sounds like she acts as though she's young enough to be the reincarnation of Whitney Houston.
Ajwc101 24
Explain to your co-worker that Whiney Houston is no longer living in ANY human form. If she doesn't listen take her to the nut house.