Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML
Today, I started my new shift schedule. They run on the policy: "Early is on time, on time is late." My shift starts at 6 in the morning. It's now 11pm and my wife called me a selfish bastard for asking her to get off Whatnot so I can sleep. FML
Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML
Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML
Today, I clocked into work completely exhausted despite having gone to bed early. My roommates stayed up until 4am watching a movie, blasting music, and constantly giggling like madwomen. This is their "new and improved" schedule. FML
Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML
Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
Today, I'm working 12-hour overnight shifts for the next three days. My fiancee can't seem to grasp the concept of sleeping during the day, and keeps coming into the bedroom and telling me to stop being lazy. FML
Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML
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Top comments
sweetly1120 6
Take your roommate to the graveyard & bury her.
nelds 12
That's so rude of her, not everyone is on the same sleep schedule.
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Comments (150)
nelds 12
That's so rude of her, not everyone is on the same sleep schedule.
zandalee 20
God, wouldn't that be boring!
mightymart 5
Nice rack
36591951 9
Simple fix. Wake her up mid sleep and bitch about something irrelevant. That'll keep her away
ALpein 0
Imagine if we all shit in unison...
joeytheman 10
Kick her ass out and get a new roommate that understands the fact you work at night
hahasooo 2
18: I like your sarcasm! :)
cman90 4
Right!
MsFML_ 16
Some people are Inconsiderate bitchhes.
mallow18_fml 10
#78 is a visionary.
HollyDolly660 8
78 - Except girls. We don't do that stuff...
p_syko 5
100 that does make me wonder because I know that when a bunch of women live together their monthly visitor will sync...hmmmmm....is that the only thing that will sync??????!?
pcentral 17
87: I can't stop looking at your stomach. I've forgotten what I'm even doing.
metalwolf 17
Then the prank of flushing all the school toilets at the same time wouldn't be as fun.
aJaguarinRed 9
Imagine... You may call me a dreamer... Dammit I forgot the lyrics and I've run out of edit time!
Forlorn420 9
We're gonna need a lot more toilets if we all sync up taking a shit..
ReesieBanana21 12
BITCH
hunterfisher98 8
They're a bitch. Ignore em OP
facilitator 0
They're? Is the room-mate schizophrenic?
mango260 9
You never know!
twisted_cherub 14
Schizophrenia is not the same as Dissociative Identity Disorder. Why can't people get it, already? DID is the condition formerly known as multiple personality. Schizophrenia is a condition characterized by seeing, hearing, or otherwise sensing things that do not actually take place (aka delusions).
twisted_cherub 14
Although I get the comment on "They're". It's "he/she" if you don't know a third party's sex.
MURIKKA 11
2. - You guys don't know how to read the FML apparently...,
evilplatypus 39
28 - Depends on if you're using APA, Chicago Manual, MLA, etc. Every organization has their own rules regarding gender unknowns.
hunterfisher98 8
I apologize if I didn't use "they're" appropriately. I wasn't aware that it was that big of an issue. That is all.
nattynatters 14
22- do you watch untied states of Tara?
Inheritance 10
Considering OP is female we can only assume her roommate is a she. Since schools don't allow co-ed.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
A lot of people have roommates just to save money or have someone to live with. OP isn't necessarily in school.
HairyPunisher 27
71, I prefer the "Tied States of Tara" personally. I find that show to be much kinkier.
summertimexo 3
What is op
sweetly1120 6
Take your roommate to the graveyard & bury her.
olpally 33
Bazinga!! :D
mandrigues11 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Grave yard shift means nighttime not an actual grave yard unless you work the grave yard shift at the grave yard
mattm93 1
No way bro! I had no idea that's what graveyard shift meant!! .... -_-
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
wait, so they don't have nurses at graveyards?!?!
thefmlman2011 37
@102 AND THE JOKE GOES OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!
kewlaidman10 15
Kick that bitch out as soon as you can! Your house your rules unless you don't own the home.
ByronJess 17
Except if it's a lease that has both of their names on it, she legally can't just kick her out.
TheDynasty 3
How does she not understand? You should find a new roommate as soon as possible.
LouisianaBob 9
To be fair it would suck to not be able to make noise during the day time or early evening because your roommate was asleep whenever you were awake.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
-67 Well, it doesn't seem that OP's room mate is very "considerate" seeing as how she woke up OP, just to yell at her instead of waiting until she woke up and talked to her in a civil manner.
TheQueenLala 6
Ppl who work graveyard shifts tend to tell roommates b4 they move in together. That bitch just sounds like a moron. U don't wake someone up like that n if u have a problem with it grow up n move like the OP who is probably working her ass off n needs her sleep.
21jason 9
How rude of you to be working at a place that saves lives..if you can Schedule them for a colonoscopy
RachRIOT 7
How are people disliking this comment?? Haha
21jason 9
Ik that's what I was thinking.. Give it five minutes and it will happen to this one to
False_Stupidity 42
It would mainly be people that don't get sarcasm.. and trolls.
AKGirlinSD 20
142, Exactly. Sarcasm is very hard to read. On a aide note, thanks Original Poster for working the graveyard shift at hospitals. You guys are my favorite when I'm in the hospital :-).
mango260 9
Roommates are always lame (some), he should look for a new place to stay! Not your fault OP.
DomDomxoxo 16
Wow your first sentence totally didn't make sense (a little). (:
mango260 9
Thanks for noticing (DumDum) :D
shannonjnae2706 0
I know I'm stating the obvious, but your roommate is being a bitch. She needs to understand that since you pay your part, you are entitled to the hours of your choosing. If she can't get the point, I'd advise you to find a new roommate. Basically, what I'm saying is, FYL for having an evil roommate. I've been in that situation too, and it sucks!!
Glidah 12
Her roommate ALSO has the hours of her choosing. If OP works from 0AM to 8AM, as I think she does, she could either sleep from 8AM to 4PM or from 4PM to 0AM. Why should someone else change their whole life if they are living a normal life. If her roommate would be hosting parties all the time I could understand, but she can't even invite someone over!
ngriff15 1
I highly doubt OP chose to work these hours. I know how hard it was for my stepdad to sleep during the day.
Glidah 12
I'm not saying OP chose those hours, but if she sleeps right after work, her roommate can still invite people over in the evening, cause I presume her roommate has work/college during those hours. And sleep during the day becomes a lot easier with dark curtains (perhaps earplugs). I'm in college and during holidays I sometimes sleep from 1PM to 11PM. I know my sleeping rhythm is of and I won't complain if I get woken up by my roommate. Also I'm just saying, there's a difference between having people over and throwing a party.
shannonjnae2706 0
If OP is like any normal person, she probably has other things to do (eat, do laundry, pay bills, etc.) during the time she winds down after work. Also, hospital employment usually entails some kind of constant studying. I understand why OP is set in her schedule, but I also see your point. :)
klutzyduck1 24
That's ridiculous, would you go to bed immediately after work at 5 pm? I doubt it. If the roommate went to bed after she got off work, their schedules would be more in synch according to your logic. You obviously have never worked graveyard, just like any job, your mind and body needs to wind down for a little bit before bed. I'm sure the roommate (and you) would be upset if the OP brought home a gaggle of people to party 6 am. It's the same situation, learn empathy and simple logic.
Glidah 12
I've never had a fulltime job since I'm still in college, but I have had times where I went straight to bed as soon as I got home after a part-time job or classes.
Glidah 12
Also, they main reason people don't go to sleep at 5PM is because it's still light outside. If you work a graveyard shift it's gonna be light outside at whatever time you go to sleep.
raraisbang 12
Most people need time to wind down after work, even if you don't. My boyfriend works a twelve hour night shift, 6 pm to 6 am, and he still takes an hour or two most of the time to wind down before he can go to sleep. OP pays half the rent and is entitled to relax for a little bit before going to sleep. Maybe the roommate should have people over when op is at work or after op wake up. Furthermore, if the roommate was planning on being reasonably quiet with her guests, having people over wouldn't be a problem.
zainrock 2
Glidah - you've never had a full- time job so your opinion can't count for shit on this topic. I work from 6pm to 6am and I don't fall asleep till around 8:30 am (yeah it takes time getting home from your job too) even that is because I have to squeeze in my 7-8 hour sleep so that I'm not tired when heading to work at 4:30pm (omg yes commuting time again)...quite simply OP's room-mate is a twat, and if she's bothered about waking her up then it's partying for certain. My room- mates has friends over all the time when I'm asleep, never bothers me and they're a bunch of stoners too
jacquieh 14
You're an ass!
jacquieh 14
:) sorry, my last comment was meant for someone else!!!
RealReasons 0
You should put her in the hospital.
reallytho3 11
But then she would jus see her there...
MartinAlex 1
Yeah, in the morgue.
ArielTheMermaid 17
12 another brony! /)*( brohoof! :)
mea_iloveskiing 26
Y u no bury her??
RealReasons 0
That's a good idea Wilson.
mea_iloveskiing 26
P.s. This wouldn't have happened if you two had a roomate agreement like sheldon and leonard :) and thank you
me234 7
So true!!!