Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "My Sex Life". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought me Cards Against Humanity because he thinks it would give me some motivation to make friends since I only have one and need three to play. Sad thing is, he's right. FML
Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML
Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing "Never have I ever." My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, "Never have I ever had an orgasm." FML
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
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Top comments
Yessi_Boo 14
Oh, right in the ego!
newbiehere99 6
#1 - Your comment is pathetic.
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Comments (81)
thehoffy512 4
That means her sex life is pathetic too
newbiehere99 6
#1 - Your comment is pathetic.
strawberrywine22 30
Your comment was bad, and you should feel bad.
Wiringify 22
1 - You don't say.
Caliborn_06 11
My bad everyone, accidentally thumbed up this comment. Complete mistake. I feel terrible ;)
rexcanis 10
Not unless OP was the judge. "My" anything is in the judge's perspective. If the OP was the judge, then YDI for picking her card as the winner.
MrAwesomeSauce 6
*HEADDESK*
KiddNYC1O 22
Youngin.
gxkon 5
Fix that shit g
DarkHelmet 10
IKR!! Step Yo Game Up!!!!
wlddog 14
Sounds like someone needs to buy some handcuffs and a blindfold. She is comparing herself to 50 shades of grey again.
Posthuman 26
He can't fix it. He's always out having drunk sex with chicks who tell him he can pull out in time.
gc327072 31
44- that reference doesn't work, besides the fact that it's from an FML from like FOUR YEARS AGO!
Posthuman 26
Oh, Well you see, I thought this was the "lets make suck-ass comments section" so I made a lame reference ._.
Yessi_Boo 14
Oh, right in the ego!
shayshayshazam 14
And a little in the crotch
LogicalMembrane 3
In the little crotch.
YouDaIdiot 4
It's sad that she would make such a pathetic joke at your expense.
shayshayshazam 14
It was probably just for a laugh. But now OP can plan a really kick ass break up. Apples to Apples : the reunion. Just a bit of pre planning and she'll be leaving in tears! Muahahaha!
Yorih 19
28 - so OP leaves his gf because OP isn't satisfying his gf? ... Makes sense...
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
It woulda only been a matter of time before she dumped him.
Zoomali 1
What a b!tch.
gc327072 31
Nobody's gonna hold it against you if you curse. bitch*
annie_nk 23
You do know that if the card starts with My, it refers to the judge, not the player. (It's in the rules) Still, that was a low blow.
Trix_Disorder 20
I don't really understand why OP is upset about this though. I play anything to win a round of Apples to Apples if it's funny.
TaffyMichele 9
Some people play where it refers to the player that played it (my friends do it, and I think it's stupid because you're not supposed to know who played the card -.-). And if it was on a create a card one, then when they ask what it's supposed to say and the girl answers "my sex life," they're gonna assume it's hers if they don't play where my=judge.
sixsixSICNESS 0
This would probably suck more if I knew how to play Apples to Apples
JustASmallTownBo_fml 7
Apples to apples is a card game. There are two stacks of cards. The red apple cards feature a noun and are dealt to the players. A judge draws from the green apple deck, which features adjectives. The players then set down one of their red apple cards that fit with the green apple cards, either truthfully or to be funny. The judge then decides which card is the best, and the player who played that card gets the green apple card. Whoever has the most green apple cards wins. So really, OP was probably overreacting and the girlfriend played the card to be funny and get the win.
j2daAid 4
apples to apples is a kid gamr. no way this wss in there
charliegunn 2
Everyone knows you don't win by being truthful, you win by being funny, and knowing the person who picks the card. And if your sex life is pathetic, you might try to do something to fix it. At least now you know.
annie_nk 23
Very true. I was judging the word Painful and my brother put down Bangkok. He won the round lol. Plus I think those blank cards are an automatic win card because they can be played perfectly to the judge.
iwadasn 33
If your girlfriend's sex life is pathetic, I'm pretty sure that's your fault.
CockAsian 14
Glad I'm not the only one.