Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, I had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. Right when I'd finished, I ran out of gas. My 83 year-old grandmother saw. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML
Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML
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Top comments
Dillyduzit 23
Nutrients.
sarah5745 41
You'd have been better off without that piece of information. Thanks grandma..
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Comments (73)
Dillyduzit 23
Nutrients.
SexyQueen0905 24
Of course. Why do you think the rosebushes grew so strong? Going out on a limb here; would a seed joke be too much of a stretch?
johndog699 18
that's such a fun game and a TMI for you cause your grandma went to far
starile 20
I'm wondering why on earth he's playing such a game with his family, let alone with grandma! I play that game with friends as we're all getting drunk and then hook ups happen soon after
sunnyray812 42
You can play with family. My family and I also played yesterday. We can be a twisted bunch, so it makes it just as fun. :)
sarah5745 41
You'd have been better off without that piece of information. Thanks grandma..
lnheritance 19
To me sounds like grandma had too much Moscato...
Helpfulman 17
Who plays Cards Against Humanity with their grandparents?
SocialAmethyst 20
I would have been better off without Knowing aswell.
CaseyOfAsgard 4
Would that perhaps be in the foreground?
pjsr 33
I hope it's coming up well!
foxmatrix15 8
No idea how to react to that dunno if it's a FML or win for rose bushes I can't scientifically prove that doesn't help them.
hard_candy 25
well rest in peace. or pieces.
lex1459 38
I guess there's a little bit of OP in those rose bushes. Too bad it's his dick.
klenorris 15
Your grandfather sounds like a legend!
ethan_unoxx 29
1. Talking about foreskin buried in rose bushes? No, I don't think so. and 2. Its OP's grandmother. Either way, I wouldn't call them a legend.
glabberfasted 16
Actually, 17, it clearly says OP's grandfather buried the foreskin.
cole_tyler42 21
It's always nice to know what ever happened to the rest of your penis.
starile 20
Of course. every ritual circumcision deserves a follow-up story.
NotGabe 28
Apparently mine was donated to 'research', but I have my doubts.
hobojo69 23
Now that's how you recycle!
ethan_unoxx 29
How is that 'recycling'?
laden_swallow09 35
More like composting.
kerstileann 26
recycling? foreskin? what the hell...