Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML
Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jake221 0
I feel sorry for you :(. Thats what Ipods are for. FYL.
flinkpamingo 0
You should have listened to the older women. You might have learned something.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
fyl4sure 0
Dont. Flights that are more than 10 hours have tvs with movies. And stuff.
Anonymiz 4
Window seat + vodka + valium = much happier travels Trust me.
cthulhu1138 1
Sleep, watch a movie, ask the stewardess for some drinks, read something, or just go jack off in the bathroom. A 17-hour flight isn't that bad if you have something to do.
RJB 0
If I see you on my flight I am DEFINETLY not going in the bathroom. lol Mile High Club
RequiemCube 0
But it's the Mile High Club's Solo Aviator division. :(
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
hahaa i wouldve used ear plugs[: but that sucks haa.
JHM_27 0
omg i hate long flights! Toronto - Hong Kong 15 hrs! BRUTAL! esp when u have something annoying around like a crying baby or something else
littlegolferboy 4
Only 15 hours? I could have sworn mine was closer to 20 when I went. I do know I ended up watching 6 movies throughout the flight.
aback 5
Could have started farting in self defense.
flinkpamingo 0
You should have listened to the older women. You might have learned something.
plexico 4
You should have shown the old women that their stories were giving you a raging hard-on. At worst, the old bitches would shut up. At best, you could have a GILF threesome in the bathroom -- on second thought, THAT could be the worst outcome.
Intoxicunt 6
Oh, you took it differently from me. I thought he meant they SHARED a sex life as teenagers. In which case, his hard-on would be ridiculed by them as they had wrinkly lesbian sex.
plexico 4
I don't think a couple would discuss their sex life from years past on a plane. Even if they were wrinkled, old lesbians, if they noticed that the guy next to them was popping a major boner from their Sapphic tales, that would probably disgust them enough to talk about something less titillating. Like flannel.
Intoxicunt 6
Nah, you know how old people are really crass and hard to freak out. e.g. The FML about the old guy hitting on the younger guy in Burger King. They'd probably start going into more detail.
plexico 4
To freak out old people (like me ;) ), you just have to be batshit crazy. Remember, to someone of your age, a colonoscopy seems like a horrifying, humiliating ordeal, to us it's a BFD! It's actually the day before that is quite unpleasant, and not because of things going INTO you. Trust me, if the guy sat there with an obvious tent pole, and moaned quietly at strategic spots in their stories, it would have sufficiently freaked them out no matter what age they were.
Intoxicunt 6
Haha, now that you put it THAT way, yeah. 1-I doubt you're that old. If you are, then your picture isn't very recent or you age well. 2-I've had two colonoscopies. I know all about that fun. I drank laxative Gatorade. Now I can't smell the stuff without gagging.
Intoxicunt 6
I know it's pretty unusual. To put it simply, I have some sort of problem causing me to bleed internally (and have for 6 years). My first colonoscopy, I was 11 or 12. They found nothing, so they did it again later. Still nothing. Luckily, I'm doing alright and have gotten better since.
RatIsKing 0
sounds fake :/
pppokeyface 0
OH MY GOSH! Were you on a trip to Thailand?! If so I was behind you, and BELIEVE it really annoyed me to!!! Hahaha