Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML
Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML
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Top comments
Jake221 0
I feel sorry for you :(. Thats what Ipods are for. FYL.
flinkpamingo 0
You should have listened to the older women. You might have learned something.
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Comments (77)
Fstrthnu90 0
What are you talking about?! Listening to old women talk about their teenage sex lives sounds awesome!!!
kingofbishop 0
why do people complain about flying? your flying, humans aren't meant to fly. can't you just appreciate the fact that you are flying?
MadeOfAwesome 1
I've gone on a 17 hour flight before. That alone is an FML. You REALLY should have brought an iPod with you though. That was poor planning on your part. Still, FYL ):
SaintJimmy 0
Next time, get a private jet that serves you mint julep and strippers on a silver platter.
giganticbrain 0
Agreed.
BeccaBek 0
mmmm....strippers served on a silver platter. :P
Struedelmuffin 0
Hahahahaha! You should have ordered a bag of peanuts and lured the fat monk away to anoter seat with them. Then you should have "accodentally" bump the creepy old ladies so they fall and slide down the aisle of the plane. No more problems! :D
MCofpwnage 0
(Straight face) DUDE! There were two chicks discussing about sex! When they were teens! That's the time to get a laptop and some **** and wait for an orgy.
HahaYDI 0
ask for another seat...why waste 17 hours, Im sure they would let you
boredinjp 17
Sounds fake - there are not many 17 hours flights, you can't sleep for 17 hours, and you can't keep talking for 17 hours - the OP greatly exaggerates.
Unlucky_Gun 0
Not many still means there are some and OP happened to be on one of them. Believe it or not there are planes that can fly for 17 hours without refuelling so OP wasn't exaggerating
person1000003 0
lol I'm sorry FYL
justinismyman 0
I would just put on my headphones and get over it!