Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
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Top comments
turtleomnom 0
clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.
Nuahavizu 17
And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P
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Comments (201)
ICONicBella 0
Awkwardddd!
bassdredd 2
wow you were that desperate to finish your mom had to help you?
JiggaJayZ 16
Asphyxiation can be sexy...
urdirtyolduncle 15
Things you should't do while chewing gum: fap, exercise, sleep, have the sex.
Keyman1212 14
Some people enjoy being choked while attempting to reach climax. My favorite kind of story on the news: Man dies of self inflicted Auto-erotic Asphyxiation. No, but really...
StoryOfTheYear 15
Gotta get them juices flowing.
Kyzahhh 7
That's a sign that you should stop jerkin the gherkin
austinkiser 3
Chew it over with twix
YourEvilHero 12
I would have made sure to pull my pants up. I would have probably froze if I was ur mom and been like "I ain't going near that."
theten_fml 9
I'm down for a bit of choking ;)
gojira666 7
Im just trying to imagine how shitty ur life was about one full breath after the gum came out
Madiluvsyuh98 2
11- 2
csickcman 11
So what you're saying is your mom had to help you while you were wanking it?
CanadianPuckHead 4
I really hope you didn't bust all over her...
abbyelizabeth 9
Your poor, poor mother. ;|
XxFA1LxX 4
Your alive thanks to your mom. I guess you would rather have not been caught, but died?
Bobthedrunk 2
Did you repaint the walls?
madaoxsan 9
< ROLL >
ck11_fml 1
I don't see how this happened. you were jerking off, then you choked, and mommy suddenly appeared? Was she already in the room? I mean, I've choked before and you can't really make noise when you're choking other than a gagging sound. did you crawl out of you room with your pants around your ankles to find your mom? if so... your life really does suck. maybe you just weren't really choking and so could make some noise, in which case you deserve it bc you def could have had time to pull up your pants
Nuahavizu 17
And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
Wouldn't the chewing you have to with the gum (obviously) do ruin the good thought??
decidedlyvague 11
eyyy wut? Is that a sentence or just a compilation of gibberish? I could be wrong, but I feel like you're speaking in tongues.
VorpikeII 17
I think it's supposed to be: wouldn't chewing the gum obviously ruin the masturbation session?
MareNostrum 0
Choking the chicken: You're doing it wrong...
FrenchToast94 0
Kinda sounds like the beta house scene, cept OP was masturbating
turtleomnom 0
clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.
KatieHoof345 12
Haha(:
MagicGiraffe 12
That's good considering OP is a guy
MagicallyFat 12
I'm still wondering about how his mom heard him choking. Cause when youchoke u can't make noise
matt5217 4
you = dumb
IndigoAcrylic 9
Lol...59 wasn't being homphobic...he was just trying to hide his gaynesss like most 'macho' men do.
BellaBelle_fml 23
When someone chokes they cannot make noise because their oxygen and airway has been cut off. If you make noise it just means that you aspirated on something, meaning when you swallow it went down the air pipe instead of the esophagus. Which can lead to choking.
hagetgood 3
Its like swimming with gum. You shouldnt do it
bamxitsxandreaa 8
the worst......
hoodasswhitekid 0
Note to self: never chew gum while jerkin it.
grace14 0
Note to lil' bro: never wank and chew gum at the same time
mr_smiley227 0
What's a little nudity among family?
stephan18 23
A few years in prison ;)
suckstoobeyou 0
Thousands of dollars in therapist bills...
Mrman10 4
Loneliness.
Music_Is_Life101 0
Incest.
phatdaddy62 23
Wincest
ImFrackinBored 13
the south
KiddNYC1O 22
Mackenzie Phillips
MizzErikaHart 8
A typical day
PhillyEagles 0
C-c-c-c- COMBO BREAKER
fr33m3xican 0
could be worse.. your dad could have walked in an said " watcha doin boy? wanking it?" an leave you while choking lol....
eff5 0
what did you learn today?
Shaniaaa20 0
I laughed. Hard.
iliketurdles 7
He chocked. As equally hard.
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
23-Cocked?
blcarter81 0
Choked?
iliketurdles 7
*Choked. I can't even blame that on a typo *Facepalm*.
kylebeast11 0
Rule one of jerking off. Nvr chew gum while having fun
kittyLoveZombiez 0
Lol xD
LiveLolLuv 0
Ur fiiiiiine ;D
grace14 0
Lol ur cute too u shuld chat me up sumtime ;)
grace14 0
Lol :) btw ur cute
lmfaowww 0
She cleaned you when you were a baby, she can clean you now.
rayrayray23 1
That's not right....
maurambie 9
That's just disgusting.
superangryandy 2
Eww, why would you think of that?