Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
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Top comments
turtleomnom 0
clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.
Nuahavizu 17
And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P
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Comments (201)
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, ... /facepalm.
swinglifeaway123 8
You made me lawl
jcbspence 0
Wash that hand first
BigKatt 1
Am I the only one who thinks it is weird he is jerking it with his folks in the next room? Wait til they leave or at LEAST go to sleep.
TheNewGuy03 29
Dude, you can only choke one thing at a time. Didn't they teach you that in preschool? |the kid|
cjhilde 1
Newguy, your backsplash is horrible and was pieced together incorrectly
TheNewGuy03 29
Yeah, tell me about it. It's Korea, and it's also a cheap apartment. Fortunately for me, I'm moving. :D |the kid|
ZielZone 4
Can anyone actually be this stupid???
leannecloveryau 11
LOL THIS IS A WINNER
don1qot 6
Hmmm? Get your moms attention or pull your pants up? Logical choice. ****-blocked on so many levels, though. I guess, it'll keep op from chewing gum for a few weeks, and maybe not masturbating for few days.
DAILURE 0
Yes, may I have a side of epic with that fail?? ;D
patrickalamo 48
No happy ending here.
perdix 31
Maybe as she went to perform the Heimlich Maneuver, mom gave him the good ol' Reach Around. Even if he survived the asphyxiation, he would have had to deal with the dreaded DSBs since he didn't complete the whack-off.
sematariux 7
Uh you deserved it?