Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet my cat. By doing so, I accidentally shocked her with the static electricity in my fingers, and she slashed my face in retaliation. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
yrkamurka 4
Flying pussy
dinosaurfeces 4
Sounds like a "cat"astrophe.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
4rmMiami 4
Today when I was walking to my next class I notice a teacher staring at me, all the sudden he takes a bite of his donut seductively and smiles at me omg how horrible, I see him around quite often. FML
Damn_Hippster 11
This is what happens when it rains cats...and I guess dogs as well.
DaniPandi 22
Pussy has claws ;o
j_cat187 20
Pussy with teeth that bites off penis
TokinUp 6
I don't wanna live on this planet anymore...
Super_Jill_ 1
My kitten is evil too, you can't trust most cats.
iAmPaul 49
17 - that would be disadvantageous for OP if they didn't get their cat de-clawed.
AdrianEC 15
Looks like you got quite the shock when you heard the, uh... static on your television, OP. That sounded better in my head.
lmaoatall 6
YOU were scared? Think of the flying puss. If I was thrown through the air, my claws would be extended too! Hope you find a surprise pussy tootsie in your bed tonight!
nadyy14 8
(cat): ME- (you): -OWWWWWWWWW!
Naomimi_fml 6
And it's not the cat's fault... cats always land on their feet.
FYLDeep 26
Why not keep your TV up against the wall with all the wires tucked away? Just a thought.