Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I was eating at my aunt's place with all my cousins and the salad had little green and alive bugs. I didn't want to cause attention, so I tried to pick some off and just kept eating. FML
Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
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Top comments
kamikrazy 6
Plastic fruit taste better
shanemaximo 7
Well there's your conversation starter right there!
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Comments (186)
kamikrazy 6
Plastic fruit taste better
Sniperkid07 6
I prefer steel...
ISMUGGLEMIDGETZ 3
Haha meeting with the parents is the worst if they don't like you at first sight!
hellbilly205 17
So how'd it taste?
urdirtyolduncle 15
That's quite some social skills you got there, OP.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
In some instances, that's practically true. Most of the fruit here in the US is selectively bred to produce the largest size, largest amount, most resistant, most visually attractive, and thus most profitable crop. Little attention is paid in regards to taste, texture, or nutrition. If you're looking to save a couple of bucks, plastic fruit is your solution. It lasts forever, tastes comparable to a lot of supermarket fruit, and doesn't digest, so you can keep eating it, and re-eating it for as long as you like!
doctorwhogirl 0
thankyou- I have learnt more on fml than I did at school today
Nightvenom 0
It tastes real good with a Brillo pad IMO Mmmmm.... Brillo pads and fake pears. So good :)__
xcarxcrashx 9
31 clearly doesn't have a Wegmans or a whole foods nearby :(
downtime 13
38, Never use FML as a basis for education. Ever.
Marcella1016 32
Aren't you supposed to chew it over with Twix or something?
justmethough 8
Mmm, Granny Smith Plastic.
urdirtyolduncle 15
66- In France: Need a moment? Chew it over with a plastic apple.
gntfmlingnow 12
31 - Farmer's markets ftw. I get fruit that tastes like real food :D
cheaptrix 6
My cooking tastes like plastic too
LolFMLnot 10
Thats the part where you laugh about it and try to make a conversation.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
60, I do have a Whole Foods around, as well as Farmer's Markets. My comment was about the majority of produce here, which is not organic or heirloom variety.
downtime 13
77, Be aware that farmers markets are fresher but have no guarantee as to quality. They could have used any number of chemicals on the food that you aren't aware of. Theres no way to know for sure, so the best thing to do is to just ask them what their practices are, then use your judgement as to whether or not they sound credible.
shift_love 13
106, cause everyone tells the truth about their food practices huh?
downtime 13
Did you just stop reading there and not follow on from the comma? Do you suffer from some fear of commas? Are you stupid? Is it all of the above?
tencentsakiss 19
66, I was waiting for someone else to be reminded of a twix commercial.
tonsta28 4
I learnt more on FML than I did in school in 5 years
downtime 13
120, Congratulations, you're officially an idiot.
Roevera 14
106 - So you trust the supermarkets in their practices? You're better off with a farmers market in most cases, because most supermarkets do use pesticides, herbicides, and all the other chemicals. Its funny how organic food has labels stating it's organic, while food that has been treated with chemicals is considered normal and requires no special label.
downtime 13
131, Organic doesn't necessarily mean healthy. It gets labelled as such because there are no requirements to meet to be considered "organic". Those in the supermarket are not the healthiest option, but you know that they have been sourced from producers with strict guidelines that have been met. That said, I shop in the farmers markets and never said a single thing about supermarkets. I don't see why you're making the sarcastic comments when I'm pointing out something that is in fact true and should be upheld by everyone who shops in these places. Neither option is inherently healthy, as both stem from the obvious truth that the producers are running a business. Sadly it seems you've fallen victim to the "its organic so it must be healthy" scam. Sucks for you.
PaintItBlack_fml 4
Derp
TKmax 5
WTF was that.
MaceFaceLOL 8
Derp 2x ^
blegehlehgleh 0
I approve of this comment.
silentbutfunny 0
Its a german word, like fübar, dont try looking it up though, its not in the german dictionary
japtch 15
I couldn't have said it better myself.
cunningchick 1
Good job:) approved:)
TheClumsiest 0
to my friend it means happy. herp means sad.
shanemaximo 7
Well there's your conversation starter right there!
himoonkey 8
Yum... Is this plastic flavored plastic?
flux_panic 18
It was a great ice breaker!
EatnBeef 7
I prefer beef to plastic.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
"Tastes like plastic, it's fantastic!!"
bitchslapped22 14
Pretend you did it on purpose for a laugh
hawkey126 0
A little late for that, buddy.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Not really - I say there's always time to save the situation if you're skilled enough. If not, you might just end up digging yourself further into the hole. However, that might quite possibly result in utter hilarity, and save the situation anyway.
AlphaPrice 7
You shoulda offered them some
xcarxcrashx 9
And then they are angry at you for eating their decorations.
yummy_richkid 3
But decor is tasty.
jacev 7
I'm sure they would have just found it funny and won't think much worse of you. Although you may be the subject of a few jokes when you visit again
ImaginaryFoe 1
Or they might figure out you're mildly retarded, cancel the wedding, and leave you no choice but to move back to England and run your Wee Britain empire from there. It happens.
XtraEzeee 8
35- you know he's from France right?
XtraEzeee 8
35- you know he's from France right?
girl112891 7
He's just really shy. I'm sure everyone realized that.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I guess there's not many Arrested Development fans around here. Too bad.
hawkey126 0
Make memories not meals.
Clavey 6
Yummy
Manganimegrl 16
Omnomnomnom. Mmm, plastic fruit.
nublets 12
Yay anime! Lol
SpicyGrass 0
I wish I could see the impression on her parents' faces.
Clavey 6
Expression?
SpicyGrass 0
Stfu nazi bitch.
Clavey 6
Haha!
silentbutfunny 0
I wish i could have known what he said that made her laugh :(
SpicyGrass 0
Well, you're never gonna know cause of that nazi bitch.
McDonaldsworker 4
lol me too!
shanemaximo 7
24: You must tell us!!!
Clavey 6
I just laughed because he tried to make a rebuttal and they moderated his comment, so you can see he wasn't too nice in it.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Only true men eat plastic.
MaceFaceLOL 8
*wear pink
MaceFaceLOL 8
You all would down vote me. :(
grapisy 8
Yes. Yes we would. I am glad you observed that.
grapisy 8
Edit: ******* double comment glitch strikes again