Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I was eating at my aunt's place with all my cousins and the salad had little green and alive bugs. I didn't want to cause attention, so I tried to pick some off and just kept eating. FML
Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
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Top comments
kamikrazy 6
Plastic fruit taste better
shanemaximo 7
Well there's your conversation starter right there!
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Comments (186)
lidemocr 0
Classic I Love Lucy episode :)
OfficeNinja 5
And then, suddenly, Gorf knew what to say...
TomHarrow 5
Haha. Oh my gods, that is high-larious. You had to have been.
Manganimegrl 16
Oh my gods? You're a demigod too? Di immortales, I found another one!
tsmith105 6
Today I was laying in the floor and my girlfriend decided to step on my nuts fml
alexup24 13
that's not how it works buddy...
shanemaximo 7
Your FML is like a tumor growing on the original.
xijinping 3
now you have something to say
pippacrawford 4
This had me giggling for a while. I'm sorry OP; I get shy around people I don't know very well so I probably would have been quiet too. But I'm sure you made them laugh. It'll be worth it to be the butt of a few jokes if it breaks the ice :)
momo1972 3
That's awesome
Elizabeth198 1
Don't worry after a year or so the whole family and you will talk about it and laugh. Don't sweat it!
ShansAl 21
I doubt it will take a year!
qwertyuiop100 2
why do I seem like the only one wondering why there was a plastic apple in the first place?? o.O
Ciraxas 7
Because they are not an uncommon table decoration.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Time to wax poetic and crack some jokes at your own expense. Like "Hey, at least I know there won't be a worm in a plastic apple."