Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I was eating at my aunt's place with all my cousins and the salad had little green and alive bugs. I didn't want to cause attention, so I tried to pick some off and just kept eating. FML
Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
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Top comments
kamikrazy 6
Plastic fruit taste better
shanemaximo 7
Well there's your conversation starter right there!
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Comments (186)
SwtCherryPie 26
Well dont be a rude ass and join in on their conversation, and if you dont have anything to say, at least politely pay attention. ******* kids these days...
Okayitwasme 0
Now that's funny!
linkinpark98 24
Until it happens to you....
joshica96 0
Dumbass
tykiej 0
Should've had a Twix.
NcredibadTay 0
How did that taste? Lol.
CharliesCool2084 8
It's rude to take someones food without asking anyway. Karma's a bitch.
McAninch35 9
I really hope you don't find yourself having to ask that question often, 130.
sirfsam 0
Quickly go out and jump into pool....dont think of coming out....!!!
LianLover 0
How'd it taste lol :D
kittydog37 6
Example A: learnt is not a word it is learned, obviously you are better at being fml student than a student in school.
NeekaTodd 3
Learnt is perfectly acceptable in British English.