Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Top comments
sarcasm_ftw 0
be careful if he calls you "babe" it might have mixed messages now
AmberHall 2
Next time just lie there and give no indication that you are enjoying it at all. That will irritate him even more. He sounds insensitive and a bit arrogant expecting people to accommodate their sexual responses to him
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Comments (218)
XvxvX 0
Oh and btw u idiots... Swine flu isnt freakin caused by pigs. IT ISNT!!
xkonstantine125x 7
Well if it makes you feel better I was having sex with my gf at the time and as she was really getting into it, Dave the Barbarian cartoon came on the tv, and I completely stopped and proceeded to watch Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy :]
Moemoemoe_fml 0
I seriously hope you got up from the bed and dumped him right that moment, if you have any self respect. D:
fermata 0
Ouch that really sucks. He sounds like a jerk. I mean, constructive criticisms are always welcome, and being shushed in bed can be pretty hot, but no one likes being told that her moans sound like "pig sounds". That's plain mean and insulting. An accidental knee cap in the balls, hard, is looking to be quite appealing now.
OmniscientCake 0
Meh... I hate it when girls moan. It just sounds like, enjoying it or not, rape. It's a sound that makes me cry.
demonkey_fml 4
Dump him, you'll never feel comfortable having sex (with him) again if you don't. Talk about ruining the moment!
EMR_fml 0
FYL but this made me picture an x-rated version of the muppets with Kermit and Miss Piggy having sex. Kind of hot actually
24788 7
lol, he likes it rough that's all.
fmlAllStar7274 0
#84- WTF?!?!?!? And seriously, I like it when the girl moans but I would do the same thing if it sounded like a pig.... I mean, try a different thing. Also, if the sex wuz already good, why try and make it better? you should have just left it as it was and enjoyed the moment :P
Puolukka 4
#82 How can you confuse moaning because you're turned on with someone screaming in fear and pain when they're being raped?! I'm pretty sure rape victims don't MOAN...they scream bloody hell...and not because of pleasure...