Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Top comments
sarcasm_ftw 0
be careful if he calls you "babe" it might have mixed messages now
AmberHall 2
Next time just lie there and give no indication that you are enjoying it at all. That will irritate him even more. He sounds insensitive and a bit arrogant expecting people to accommodate their sexual responses to him
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Comments (218)
Paulak1219 0
You should moan like another animal. Maybe he dosn't like pigs..
lawlkat 0
****
mishel 0
LOL #10 I can't imagine it sounding like pig noises really...
ohsnapelenaaa 0
I don't blame him. It's bad to catch herpes in bed, but even worse to catch swine flu.
xabuko 0
Might want to tone it down a bit love!!!
FMLwrestler 0
Maybe if you were actually married to him (or at least DATING him), instead of simply just "seeing him", then he would treat you with noticeably more respect. But people who have premarital sex all the time with RANDOM PEOPLE aren't exactly the smartest tools in the shed, so I can't really expect you to get that logic, now can I? I find it ironic that you were making pig noises (was it an oink, a squeal, a snort, or a grunt?), when in reality you are a pig on the inside as well- can't ever get enough sex! piggy piggy oink snort! LOL
nodbor 11
he boinked ya, then he oinked ya
laurisshnazzy 0
Wow, 134. She was with one guy and you claim she "can't get enough sex?" Way to assume. Also, "seeing" someone can be another term for "dating." And for the record, hardly anybody is abstinent before marriage these days. We don't need a preacher here. OP, find a new man.
Emika_fml 0
Wow, TMI FML. I clicked YDI just because I was pissed off that I had to read this early in the morning, and then my coffee-less brain forced me to imagine it, and of course in my mind you took on all the characteristics of some washed out mid-30s still-wannabe-teenager ******* her way through life and fulfilling that ridiculous cosmo stereotype of the "fun-loving woman", and then I had to think about all the other guys you slept with and I imagined them standing, chatting and reading newspapers, in a long line outside your door, through which piggish sounds of delight were echoing and it was a disturbing image to have in my brain so early and no one should be forced to have such thoughts and I BLAME YOU.
SenorLanky 0
Dayum #26. I have sleep apnoea and I only weigh 9 stone. (57kilos/125lbs).