Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Top comments
sarcasm_ftw 0
be careful if he calls you "babe" it might have mixed messages now
AmberHall 2
Next time just lie there and give no indication that you are enjoying it at all. That will irritate him even more. He sounds insensitive and a bit arrogant expecting people to accommodate their sexual responses to him
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Comments (218)
summersong89 0
jeez what a jerk. i would have ended the sex right there.
flaschgirl16 0
#'s 8,9,10...LOL ha and #11-totally agree with you.... sorry girlie, cant say thats ever happened to me though.
Mihir 1
"Amazing sex"?? lol i would waant to have that!!
_insertnamehere_ 0
my exboyfriend used to shush me. i don't think he felt comfortable knowing other people knew we were having sex. part of the reason he's an ex.....
flaschgirl16 0
....#31.. HILARIOUS!
Glam_fml 0
Wow, what a dick. If a guy did that to me, I would have gotten off of him and left him with blue balls. And I would have "accidentally" kneed him in the nuts before I left. Everyone makes strange noises during sex.. He should have just been happy because he was getting laid.
AtLeastImHigh 0
YDI because you're probably a fat b****
wellchit 0
not his fault he doesn't like pig noises, why don't you moan like normal people? are you telling me if a guy did something in bed that was a turn off for you, you wouldn't ask him to stop?
blahdsflksfd 0
seeing for a while = married? I hope
jimbobio 1
He is obviously rubbish. You are perfectly entitled to enjoy sex in your own way - if you're not both having fun then what's the point doing it in the first place? Maybe he'd be better off having a wank in the shower to Classic FM or something equally sterile if he can't endure someone else's expression of enjoyment. If it bothers him so much he could at least ask in a nicer way - he's the pig here.