Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Top comments
sarcasm_ftw 0
be careful if he calls you "babe" it might have mixed messages now
AmberHall 2
Next time just lie there and give no indication that you are enjoying it at all. That will irritate him even more. He sounds insensitive and a bit arrogant expecting people to accommodate their sexual responses to him
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Comments (218)
xelectrickiss 0
i agree with 95... "guyS usually..." lets stop there. plural? like how many? my gosh. stop being slutty. maybe those guySSS gave you a false impression of what they like.
Damone 0
LOL. well i think all guys like moans, i personally like them, as long as they're not loud as screams cause neighbors call the cops thinking a murder is going on. "oh my god, someone is getting killed out there"
oligopsony 0
nice double standards, douches also, lmao @ #10
nicoooface 0
piggy!
TryToBeKind 0
That's disgusting! I hope you dumped his sorry ass. NO ONE has any right to put their hand over anyone's mouth.
illeyad 0
Althugh that sucks, you clearly didn't know him that well before you slept with him, and he obviously didn't care for you (as a friend or as a bf) for telling you to shut up during an intimate moment.
NoMercy_fml 0
Why are the most comments for the sex FMLs?
Emwo 0
People like sex, they comment on it the most? (it kind of sounds like she faked it if she got ready for it >.>) though that sucks.
blabbermouth26 0
well at least you were enjoying it but i would not care about noisies if I was having sex
Steeple 0
What an asshole. It's one thing if he was giving feedback, but putting his hand over your mouth and shushing you?? What a jerk. #110 I concur.
ParadoxEngine 0
Since he compared your moans to the sound of a pig, I'm going to assume that you are either a very loud grunter or you have those high-pitched squeal-moans that most **** stars have. Either way, it's annoying and it sounds fake as all hell but I won't hold it against you because you can't help it. Though I don't get the hand over mouth bit at all. If I was him, I would've used the ball gag or at the very least, the duct tape. If you are going to silence someone during sex, one should use things that keep the mood.