Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML
Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML
Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was, and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML
Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML
Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML
Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML
Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneGuy719 16
Congratulations! And hopefully your husband sees things differently than your father
mpkpm 19
Could of been worse, could have been "The first person the police investigate in murder is the spouse. Tells you something about marriage."
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Comments (96)
ThatOneGuy719 16
Congratulations! And hopefully your husband sees things differently than your father
traviscool 12
commenting on an fml doesn't make you famous, if this is the case i'm now famous!
cakefete2 31
Omg it's you! Can i get your autograph?
ThatOneGuy719 16
Who would've thought that fml would make me famous :O I'm only signing for the first 45 minutes, better hurry
SpreadTHEKILLER 14
let the outside know
incoherentrmblr 22
Did your husband's grandma try to start a fist fight with you?...
Wakachulak 22
OP, did your husband's grandmother try to start a fight with you?
doggiewoggie 13
I bet he'll be sleeping on the couch tonight for that one lol. Don't take it too hard OP. Dads will be dads. And congrats by the way
mario2012 18
Why would OP be sleeping on the couch? Would the dad be if anyone?
doggiewoggie 13
Maybe you need to reread what I said... The OPs dad is the one who will be sleeping on the couch for the shitty remark...
mario2012 18
I just reread it. My bad.
doggiewoggie 13
It's all good
mpkpm 19
Could of been worse, could have been "The first person the police investigate in murder is the spouse. Tells you something about marriage."
Miss_Whipped 43
I can tell that this will be my favorite comment.
Dswank620 18
#3, I believe I see a fellow Ifunny user
Jared900DUmpling 30
Woo Ifunny ftw
mpkpm 19
#24 ???
soulebelius 17
How do you use "could of" and "could have" in the same post???
Dswank620 18
That line is practically quoted straight out of a recent ifunny feature, I was under the impression that there was a direct correlation between the two
mpkpm 19
As for number #68, I am very talented and felt like showing off my skill. As for #71, I was unaware, I have known this joke for years as my dad told it to me once younger. Suppose it did differ from normal dad jokes.
Dswank620 18
Ahh I see, and I've had some pretty odd dad jokes told to me too so I definitely get it haha
WTF_BRAIN 11
Congrats on getting married, OP!
annie_nk 23
Was he drinking? Because I'd hate to think he said this sober.
inner_peace 19
Why does this have so many down votes?
invadermaythe1st 35
Because OP would clearly state that he was drunk, if he was.
Peachy2392 26
The OP doesn't necessarily have to include that information. If OP posts a follow up, she may say if he was or wasn't drunk.
drivingmissdaisy 13
And I mean he really could have been joking also. I have a lot of family members like that. @52
noobienick 19
Hey, at least it wasn't "when the red river flows, take the dirt road"
cakefete2 31
Yea that kind of just grossed me out.
d4m4s74 12
Yeah, a true sailor also sails the red sea
PeartOfNeils 18
Just don't forget to "share the load"
iSativa 24
Gold wedding bands get heavier over time?? I need to get married and stay loyal for 100 years so that I can make a fortune!
Pleonasm 36
You'd probably be dead in 100 hundred years' time.
Welshite 40
I'd say there's a statistical certainty of death within 10,000 years. No "probably" about it.
Pleonasm 36
Well we were talking about 100 and not 10,000. And I wouldn't make bets either way for the next 10,000 years as maybe in 50 years we'll discover immortality ;)
KristaAaronn 25
8 I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or if you're really that dim
cakefete2 31
No, he was being dead serious. Just to be clear, I'm not being sarcastic either.
iSativa 24
All replies to my comment are prime examples of why many people have lost faith in humanity. The first half of my comment was overly obvious sarcasm, and the second half was advice. Please use your brain and think before you reply.
OysterPearls 33
Argument overruled for use of "lost faith in humanity". I sentence you to live burial (of thumbs)!!
FitForFun 11
Could of been worse, could of been "**** her right in the pussy"
paigexox0 37
Why the absolute complete **** would a dad even say that about his daughter
sehrgutmann 19
judging by the FMLs I've read in the past, some fathers might actually do that.
griggypop 4
I'm sorry #9 (and everyone else), I know no one here is too much of a stickler for language and I do bite my tongue often as the down votes damage my sense of self worth. It's "could have", "would have" or "could've", "would've" in the contracted form. I let #3 slide on by but my tongue was about to start bleeding.
Sabsnation 12
Someone needs to have a word with their father.