Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Top comments
sarcasm_ftw 0
be careful if he calls you "babe" it might have mixed messages now
AmberHall 2
Next time just lie there and give no indication that you are enjoying it at all. That will irritate him even more. He sounds insensitive and a bit arrogant expecting people to accommodate their sexual responses to him
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Comments (218)
alphabetcity 0
Ehh,doesnt sound very attractive. If you try too hard to sound sexy, you usually will just look dumb.
hamburglar 0
No guy wants to have sex with a pig
PrincessPesa 20
Except for the few that do? It's a big weird world.
Nextdusk 0
Guys usually like it when girls moan in bed -.- i guess your guy is just a little weird..........
uneekfreak16 0
Nah #22, I bet some guy in this world has a pig fetish; find him! :p
xClarkGable 0
That was stupid, 15. Big girls don't sound different because they're big, and she never said she was big. To the OP: Stop having sex with people and this wouldn't happen.
Ughsucks 0
#25 Breathing problems and sleep apnea instances increase exponentially with weight
WomanMonster 0
Yikes. Is he always such an ass?
Talia070 0
Oink oink .
hono_fml 0
I hope you then stopped having sex with him.. you deserve better.
I_am_stupid_also 6
It's his loss. Keeping screwing guys until you find your special one who loves your pig noises.