Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
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Top comments
alex1432 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
lilbeast0327 3
wow u must really suck
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Comments (343)
MrMan27 0
daaaaannng! yo' ass needs to practice your sexual skills. or maybe u need 2 tell yo' man 2 stop watchn dat **** ;)
jenjen0146 7
let's hope you aren't as bad with blow-jobs otherwise he will end up being your new girlfriend lol. a hand-job is pretty much self explanatory and the EASIEST to master. I once had a girl I know tell me the guy she was seeing had to teach her how to give a hand-job...sorry but that's just stupid if you can't figure out how to handle a mans parts then you shouldn't play with them lol not trying to be mean...just being honest
highfivezombie87 0
serious? haha, losssser!
ItalianaMama 0
WTF that's your OWN fault . it's our responsibility as women to know how to please our man. you should worry about him breaking up with u I'd deserve it
granolabutt8 7
Judging by the horrible personality you've just displayed I could imagine why your guy would break up with you if you failed to please him once. It's probably all you have going for you.
Thedrick 0
Your bf is FRIGGIN DICK!
dwhite032 0
How do you mess that up?
GETOVERIT2039 0
I'm gonna say YDI for not giving head. if the guy wanted a hand job he'd do it himself.
SassyChick1985 0
bahahahaha. I mean it was your first time!!!!!!
Silly_Satan 0
A word of advice: without proper lubrication, this can be incredibly painful. Just a suggestion.
Bdubwv87 0
Sounds like you need some practce