Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
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Top comments
alex1432 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
lilbeast0327 3
wow u must really suck
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Comments (343)
Dead_Fox 17
Ummmm, actually his reaction is fairly common, as easy as it can b 2 get a guy off if u don't do it right ur doing it wrong, and it just wont work out... and u might skip the lotion right at first...if he starts making a little of his own lotion, u'll know you're getting it right... and remember, not too firm, and not to soft... get him 2 give pointers b4 he gets sexually frustrated and makes u stop
afulks78 11
Haha
aliceperez 6
Wow.... U must be TERRIBLE. I can get my bf excited just by flirting a little and I gave a my bf a hand job and he said it was the best (;
beccaFAMOUS 3
Always use your mouth, not your hands.
imAnthonyy 7
Next time don't use your hands.
Jackel0228 12
A for effort, but if you aren't willing to use anything other than your hand, try watching a video of that for some pointers.... Or even asking him for his advice. Definitely worth looking into
Pyrithium 8
And that's why god invented the "*******".
flossingpancake 18
How old are you 12? There are plenty of types of sex that are actually fun
peithecelt 28
look up the hang job song by Garfunkel & Oates. it at least it's a funny take on your situation.
peithecelt 28
*hand job song*