Productivity

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently, taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

Any excuse

Today, without any warning from my body whatsoever, I had to go to the bathroom at work to puke. I was then fired for being ‘drunk’ at work. I wasn’t drunk, just sick. FML

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

Pushing the envelope

Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML