Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
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Top comments
OGReaper 2
Thats what you get.
kickuwithmyfist 1
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Comments (136)
xxenforcerxx 4
dumb bitch. learn to be a better wife
Scrts 3
100% deserve it! That killing women phrase: "I have a headache...". Ooooh!
goodgood_fml 5
Why have you been turning him down so much? Is it because he's a bad screw? If he is, and you haven't discussed this with him it's your fault. You have to tell him what you like. It won't get better until you are more honest. If he's awesome in bed and you're just not feeling it, then divorce him and give him my number. Oh sorry, it's not about me. See your obgyn and see if she can get you some Viagara or a recommendation on what to do. If you don't do something, don't get mad if a juicy cooch snatches your hubby up. Do your job or she will. Much luck.
skodizle29 7
That's whatchu get
newmandotcom 6
YDI
gregkingsley 4
Score 1 for the boys
TheLittleRed 0
Wow **** him and **** all of you assholes.
Squashamis 1
**** you too bitch :D
Perc_fml 2
You seriously don't understand why the husband would be upset? The wife is demanding that the physical side of their marriage revolve around her. Leaves him high and dry for months and then expects him to jump when she says jump. OP needs to think about the physical side of a relationship more or the husband will start looking elsewhere.
nevergonnaGivUup 8
Thank god! I respect and love your husband, a relationship isn't a one-way street asswipe.
chevyboy1122 9
Hats off to that guy
floatguy 2
What goes around comes around!!! LOL
JMichael 26
Girls always seem to have some sort of excuse