Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
OGReaper 2
Thats what you get.
kickuwithmyfist 1
Access denied
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
GoW_Chick 15
Score: 1 husband / 1,342 wife Good for him.
I_heart_sex 1
As a guy I command the sex in my relationships. Never let a girl get the upper hand there.
Sumo69 9
You haven't been horny in months. Your FML should of bin about that.
raphanne_fml 33
"Should of bin"... Seriously?
jmoreno 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
U shoulda threw him the Tylenol and said not tonight *****
rttr 18
You know the husband did this because the wife dows it everyday? From your comment i understand that it's ok for the wife to say it, but not the husband? You're an idiot.
lunno 9
Maybe it was his time of the month.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Using the same excuse of having a headache for months on end.... That's a big YDI, OP
Mogliettina 10
Really girl,do something about your sex drive already!That poor guy D:
musicluvr2000 11
I'm surprised I didn't see 50 "he's a keeper" comments
submynutz 3
how long have you been married because I have been with my husband for 13 year and have 2 kids and we still have sex at least 4 times a week
luccmon 6
Wow! Thank god marriage isn't ruining everyones sexlife!
edjeff 2
It must be nice. I am 12 years in and average once a week.
downtime 13
66, And why does what you do affect anyone else? If you were having sex 250 times a week would you still expect everyone to keep up? Nobody. Cares.
MissHayleyJames 7
If someone doesn't want sex, it doesn't matter how long it's been since the last time, you don't have sex. You never force yourself to do it for the sake of the other person. Ever. If you do, it'll just be some chore you dread doing and will lose all meaning. You have to both want it or there's no point to it. So OP did nothing necessarily wrong.
irockfendergirl 0
76- I've been married to a wonderful man who would do anything in the world for me. And I'd do anything to make him happy. But, hey, that's just how we work. I realize not every relationship is the same. Yes, there have been times when one or the other doesn't feel like having sex, so we don't. And we respect that. But I feel it's good to compromise sometimes and in the process, try to make things fun and interesting. We've had a happy 12 years together, and a happy 10 years of marriage. I feel if a partner is constantly turning the other person down (whether it's due to a low sex drive, or even not being attracted to that person anymore; which is unfortunate, etc.), it can create low self-esteem. If my husband hardly ever wanted to have sex with me, I'd constantly think there is something wrong with ME. Of course, that works both ways. I never want to make him feel unattractive or self conscious about himself. That can't be healthy.
PlaidPanda 9
76~ yeah.. We all heard you say pretty much the same damn thing replying to the first comment. And I think you got thumbs downed over there too.
rttr 18
So its okay the wife doesn't want to have sex, but wen the husband doesn't, its not okay.. ******* DOUBLE STANDARDS piss me off.
seanc722 2
Uhm except the fact the lack of labido could be caused by something else. Woman not caring enough to figure out what the problem is (may even be the relationship) then it is her fault... Not caring about te other person in a marriage is not a very good marriage.
MissHayleyJames 7
I don't think it matters who doesn't want to have sex. If one person doesn't want to have sex, there's no sex. There are times when you're so exhausted or worn out or whatever that just the mere thought of having sex makes you groan. If that's the case, you don't have sex. If you're just plain not in the mood but you're not tired or busy sure you should fool around to see if you can get there, but if you just can't then again, no sex. If you do get in the mood, fantastic, but if not then you don't do it. Feeling used and disgusted by forcing yourself to have sex when you absolutely don't want it is going to make you want it even less.
JarrodD 0
Well played sir.