Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML
Today, I brought a girl back to my place. She commented on how neat and clean everything was for a bachelor. I absentmindedly said, “Yeah, my mom comes over and cleans three times a week.” She made a face like I'd just told her I eat puppies or something, then made an excuse to leave. FML
Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying, "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML
Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
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Top comments
wanted_2_want 40
And then is when you tell him that you remembered you had to get up early next morning and leave
withered 30
Now you know never to contact him again. Who knows what diseases he is riddled with if he is such a slob. And even if he isn't, I would not want to have anything to do with him. He probably ***** and pisses all around the toilette and can't bother to clean after himself. Ugh, it makes me shudder to imagine personal hygiene (or more likely - lack of it) of such a person.
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Comments (17)
withered 30
Now you know never to contact him again. Who knows what diseases he is riddled with if he is such a slob. And even if he isn't, I would not want to have anything to do with him. He probably ***** and pisses all around the toilette and can't bother to clean after himself. Ugh, it makes me shudder to imagine personal hygiene (or more likely - lack of it) of such a person.
kev1029 22
That's a little much
lj19717 19
At least he cleans for you
wanted_2_want 40
And then is when you tell him that you remembered you had to get up early next morning and leave
wanted_2_want 40
Or just RUN!
ChristianH39 30
Should've just let him go clean and walked away as soon as he went inside
BeachMammal 8
There's something really wrong with a guy who not only does that, but tells someone.
joeyl1990 28
I know it's considered weird but wearing a condom to ********** really does prevent making a mess. Tissues work but they aren't full proof and require a hand which complicates things especially if using your phone. Just wear a glove even for self love.
RichardPencil 32
Sounds kind of expensive.
Dave_Davington 34
Toilet paper works so much better than tissues. Wrap it around your hand and twist the end closed and you have a perfectly shaped spooge catcher.
sohigh10 34
Toilet paper disintegrates, so paper towels are more practical because they're more absorbent
jbuckets_404 39
Put a sock on it....
RichardPencil 32
You need to alert the faculty that they need to put on hazmat gear to handle his homework. No worries about the exams, though -- evidently he has a good grip on his testes.
Lobby_Bee 18
Bring a black light, it'll light up his room like a Christmas tree!
Davros 12
did he have unlawful carnal knowledge of office furniture?
BadKitty13 28
T.M.I.
RichardPencil 32
Could be good boyfriend material, that is, if you’re ok with a guy who cheats on you with furniture. No one’s perfekt.