Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
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Top comments
OGReaper 2
Thats what you get.
kickuwithmyfist 1
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Comments (136)
nofearjenshere 12
Sounds like you guys need to spice up your sex life. (:
elephantom12 9
What are you suggesting..?
silentbutfunny 0
A monkey.
RedMosquito 4
Some advil
silentbutfunny 0
A mop.
4everblackjack 10
^A mop?
silentbutfunny 0
Hey, whips hurt
buck33 14
That they spice up their sex life.
soopafreak 11
In order to 'spice up' a sex life, you need to have a sex life in the first place. Sounds like this couple doesn't.
niznor99 6
Hey monkeys, mops, Advil, whips? I don't give a shit. I'll try anything that Jen here wants to try.
sundayfundaypro 0
Lol
RedMosquito 4
Just take the situation in hand. Literally
GlitterBomb 5
Hmm.... cute?
feldco1 17
Thank goodness for the right hand.
cruisinslow 4
This man deserves an award.
GoW_Chick 15
Unfortunately it's probably going to be the "honey you're sleeping on the couch tonight" award.
daminantion 14
What, when a man turns down sex he should be disgraced and labelled? What do women get when they turn down men? I hate these cliche sexist differences.
silentbutfunny 0
50-100 years ago, it was litterally opposite. Man says goes. Im not being sexist here but holy crap things were different.
DogReypistPANDA 6
**** THAT. For what? For doing something once that she has been doing for months?
silentbutfunny 0
Finally!! What goes around comes around! (if i were the guy i wouldnt care, cause im weak like that)
holly_pop 6
Serves you right. I mean, months!? What do you expect? Not performing your marital duties, for shame!
SauceySarah 30
Can't take what you dish out. Figures.
KaR1sma 6
Lol not so nice is it?
elephantom12 9
In b4 "he's a keeper"