Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML
Today, I went through a drive-thru and ordered a milkshake. When the cashier handed it to me, for some unknown reason I confidently grabbed the lid instead of the cup. Guess who’s now wearing the milkshake? FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML
Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML
Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML
Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML
Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML
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Top comments
jeremymg91 0
Sucks for you.. can't really punish her though.. I didn't understand that "drinking" was an alcohol term when I was younger either.
ladycoyote 0
Ah, children. Reason #8672 why I'll never have any. :)
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Comments (400)
baysidebird88 0
this one made me chuckle, cause i can imagine a kid doing that. i wouldn't really call it a fml since i'm sure you did a breath test and passed.
hellokittyrainbo 0
I love your pic :) that my favorite band
lyndsaygirl 0
you must have an annoying child..hahah
justfantastic 0
don't kids say the darndest things :)
Darkon 0
YDI for raising a snitch!
yer_maw 1
Kids say weird shit, yesterday my friend asked a kid: "do you wanna come upstairs and we'll all play rock band?" response: "I've always known i wanted to be a doctor" :)
rttr 18
The ****?!?!???!??!!?
krupster 0
YDI agrees with #14 on that one! Little bastard...
C18_fml 3
if that's my son, i kick him in ass down to arizona...no, srsly -> i put him in trunk and drove home rly fast in the corners of road
Froggynj 0
Being dad of two I feel for you. But do what parent do grin and laugh about it, then use it to embarrass them with it at thier wedding
neezie 0
Then you hit your kid right?
soccergirl37 0
This is why I hate kids
missalkali 8
why? because they're not as smart as you and haven't had as much life experience as you? well I've got some news for you, you were a kid once too!! and I'm sure you didn't appreciate it when ppl got mad at you for not knowing something that you'd never learned.