Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad, so I speeded up to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML
Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents' house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked if I had a reason for going so fast. I panicked and said, “I have to poop.” He followed me home with lights on, just to make sure I made it. FML.
Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML
Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML
Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML
Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML
Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I tried to make a joke to ease the tension and said, "I’m just trying to keep up with the traffic!" The officer looked around at the empty road and said, "What traffic? Are you under the influence? HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML
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Top comments
Blackhawk706 23
Next time just stop at a gas station
jaspinkgrl01 18
Well...did he still give you the ticket?
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Comments (61)
jaspinkgrl01 18
Well...did he still give you the ticket?
wangwong 8
When you gotta go... you gotta go..
Blackhawk706 23
Next time just stop at a gas station
Aalejandro77 12
I'm guessing op wasn't near a toilet/gas station other wise they probably would have.
ksks1234 33
Depending where in Texas op lives, there are long stretches of nothing.
tantanpanda 26
State troopers are assholes in Texas, or maybe cops in most areas are lenient. They will stop you if you're even 1mph over the speed limit. In Houston, you can go 9mph above the speed limit and they won't do anything.
majesticprincess 19
Probably took his sweet ass time just to be a dick. -.- ftp
fhlakd 25
That's what they all say...
ninjamadi 16
That's when you get out of the car and squat or un zip (doesn't say what OP is) and piss there beside your car. bet he'd believe you then
lovelockdown23 23
yeap he'd believe him and then write him another ticket.
Schizomaniac 24
Then get slapped with an indecent exposure charge and possibly have to register as a sex offender. YEAH!
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Relax, he'd get shot way before any of that shit.
DippinGrizzly907 27
Buahahahaha, that's terrible #14!! But so funny ahaha. "No worries. You'll end up with a bullet to the knee before getting a ticket." On a serious and sad note, that's very very possible nowadays...
KaidensCrow 18
indecent exposure is a nice fat go straight to jail card, do not pass go. do not collect $200. in some places he'd probably get hit with extra charges just for the he'll of it.
itsme82 18
You weren't serious were you? Please tell me you were kidding.
ninjamadi 16
sarcasm is lost on the Internet. sorry I even tried
pooldude 24
ever thought you are just not as funny as you think you are?
QQMorePlox 18
Cops can be such assholes, it's like they're not even human sometimes. Sorry OP.
pooldude 24
People who generalise a whole community of people, based on actions of a few can be such an asshole, don't you think? And no i am not even remotely related to any cop
The_Basileus 9
Or maybe, just maybe, the cop is just tired of all the crappy excuses from people trying to talk their way out of tickets that he just didn't believe the OP.
samlovesham1234 9
Off topic I know, but love your Grumpy Cat icon. And yes not all cops are mean, just the select few that end up in the news.
tdawg91 17
When you hear enough excuses, you get over it really fast.
TheNewGuy03 29
You have every reason to be pissed. You should have whizzed right there to make it obvious. Then again, he might cite you for indecent exposure...
pooldude 24
Pissing on yourself is like having an amazing friend. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling it gives you!
ohmissjane 24
Should have just pulled over earlier and gone or done it before you left
townailz 16
Not everyone can just stop at a gas station. He could have been miles from one.